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*Cut to Laurie, Annie, and Lynda walking down the street, seemingly coming from school*
Lynda: So girls, what are your plans for Halloween Night?
Laurie: I have to babysit the little Yiannoulou kid.
Lynda: Who?
Laurie: This greek family that lives down the street.
Lynda: I hate Greek people, they always smell like bread, anyway, what about you Annie?
Annie: Paul and I were gonna have a romantic evening, and chuck eggs at trick or treaters. And you?
Lynda: Well, Bob's coming over, I'm thinking maybe I'll rock his world tonight. You should join in Laurie.
Laurie: No thanks, I'm not into that type of thing.
Annie: You're not into any type of thing, that's why you don't have a boyfriend.
Laurie: Nobody would go out with be, even if I wanted them to.
Lynda: I'm sure you could pull somebody like Duncan Yewell.
Laurie: Ewww, not in a million years.
Annie: Oh, come on Laurie, don't be so shallow, have a heart.
Laurie: Isn't he like half-retarded?
Lynda: Retards can be sweet, I used to go out with a retarded kid, he always bought me flowers, he always ate them afterward, but he always bought me flowers.
Laurie: Really? Then I guess you could talk to him.
*Cut to night-time, a pizza delivery car pulls into a driveway, "Tom Sawyer" by Rush is playing, Joe Grizzly gets out holding the trademark Michael Myers mask in his hand prancing around with a smile*
Joe Grizzly: BOOOO!
*Joe walks into the bathroom, sets the mask on the sink and sits down, Michael enters the bathroom, Joe stands up*
Joe Grizzly: Hey big guy.
*Michael stares at him*
Joe Grizzly: So, not much of a talker? I like that... Let me introduce myself, I'm Big Joe Quigley.
*Michael grabs Joe's wrists and slams him against the wall, Joe slips his hands out, turns around and puts his hands back*
Joe Grizzly: Have your way with me if you want, vile villain!
*Michael notices the mask on the sink, he lets go of Joe and swaps mask, then leaves the bathroom*
Joe Grizzly: Where ya goin'!?
*Cut to Loomis talking to Sheriff Brackett*
Loomis: Dude, you gotta help me! Michael escaped!
Brackett: Who?
Loomis: Michael Myers! That kid that killed those people a few years ago!
Brackett: What makes you think he'd come here?
Loomis: This is where he grew up, I've seen his house, it's radical!
Brackett: How did you see it, a family lives there now.
Loomis: I broke in while they were on vacation!
Brackett: You're sure he's in this town?
Loomis: As sure as Nicole Richie is pregnant!
Brackett: Then let's find him, god damn it.
*Cut to Bob with Lynda, they are sitting in the guitar room at the Myers house*
Bob: Come on, we can't just do it once.
Lynda: Go get me a beer and we'll see.
*Bob gets up and rushes out of the room, Michael then enters, he leans over top of Lynda and starts to choke her, Bob comes back in and sees Michael over top of Lynda*
Bob: Slut...
*Bob leaves the room and goes to the room with the TV, "Love Hurts" by Nazareth begins to play, he sits on the couch and starts to move his arm to make it seem like he's playing with himself, Michael enters the room and grabs him, pulling him over the couch and dropping him on the ground, Bob tries to crawl away but Michael pulls him back*
*Cut to Laurie upstairs in the living room, there is a knock at the door, she opens it and it's Annie*
Annie: Hey, I talked to Duncan.
Laurie: Really?
Annie: Yeah, he seemed excited.
Laurie: For real? What did he say?
Annie: Well, he said *In a retarded voice* "I wanna ride in a fire truck!"
Laurie: Oh, how sweet.
Annie: Yeah, do you mind if I come in?
Laurie: No, come in. Don't go down stairs, Lynda and Bob are down there, I heard some bangs and moans so I wouldn't risk going down there.
Annie: Oh, well when they're done Paul and I get it, my dad's home and he's always trying to video tape us. Where's the Yinanaboobloo kid?
Laurie: I'm not sure, when I got here nobody was home.
Annie: Well, Paul's coming here, so I guess I'm your company for a little while at least.
Laurie: Did Duncan say anything else about me?
Annie: He rambled on about baseball, then he started mumbling and fell asleep.
Laurie: Dreamy.
*The front door opens and Paul's extremely Jewish voice is heard*
Paul: I'm here!
Annie: Hi Paul!
Paul: Hey babe, how are you Laurie, is everything working out alright for ya? Everything's out alright for me, I found a 5 dollar bill on the side of the road when I was walking over here to save gas money.
Laurie: Hi, Paul.
Annie: So Laurie, can me and Paul go onto the back porch?
Laurie: Knock yourself out, I'm gonna rummage for jewelery upstairs.
*Annie and Paul go onto the back porch and sit with their backs facing the steps*
Annie: So, how do you spend this romantic evening before we get the basement?
Paul: I'd really like to help Laurie rummage for jewelery, we could get some money for that then maybe she'd be so swept off her feet with joy she'd have a three-way with us then while she was focusing on you I could sneak away with all the money.
*Michael steps onto the porch, grabs Paul by the shoulder and pushes him off the porch, the view of Annie is shown from beneath the porch, she runs to the edge and reaches down toward Paul screaming when Michael suddenly pulls her off-screen and the screaming stops*
*Cut to Loomis and Brackett standing outside of the house *
Brackett: So he'll definitely be here?
Loomis: Definitely dude!
Brackett: Then let's go in.
Loomis: Wait, I got a question for you before we go in there!
Brackett: What's that?
Loomis: What are you? Are you Mexican or Indian or Black or what?!
Brackett: Actually I'm Jewish.
*Loomis receives a frightened look, he yells and runs away*
*Cut to Laurie walking into the back yard, she sees Paul on the ground, seemingly dead, she kneels next to him*
Laurie: Paul, are you ok?
*Paul opens his eyes*
Paul: Oi my back! I think it's broken!
Laurie: What happened?
Paul: Some bad man threw me off the porch!
*Michael steps down from the porch, Laurie picks up a stick and attempts to hit Michael, it does nothing, she tries running but trips, Michael picks her up and walks away, just as he turns the corner, Loomis runs around screaming, he sees Paul*
Loomis: Dude! You got F'd in the A! What happened to you!?
Paul: The bad man broke my back!
*Loomis hears Paul's voice and runs, he sees Michael carrying Laurie*
Loomis: Dude, Stop!
*Michael drops Laurie and turns around*
Loomis: Leave these innocent people alone man! We can stop and get a pizza afterward, just come with me!
*Loomis gets closer to Michael, Michael slaps Loomis, knocking him out, Michael turns and Laurie is gone, the Halloween theme starts playing*
THE END, Mr. Sandman plays over the credits.
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