[bloodrayne]

1) Hammerfan's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Hammerfan.

2) Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Zwoti can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

3) _V_ once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now called The Islands.

4) Some guys piss their name in the snow. Newb can piss his name into concrete.

5) Sam took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

6) Crabapple counted to infinity - twice.

7) The last man who made eye contact with Roderick Usher was Ray Charles.

8) Elvis can speak braille.

9) Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Vod's sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

10) Gravity doesn't exist. Despare just forces everything to stay the fuck down.

11) Bwind was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

12) If you spell IllDojo wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean IllDojo?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

13) Novakru destroyed the periodic table, saying Novakru only recognizes the element of surprise.

14) If you rearrange the letters in Dude Guadalupe...He'll fucking break you.

15) Doc Faustus owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

16) VampClown scared the black out of Michael Jackson.

17) Neverending's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

18) Flayed once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

19) Geddy wears a cup, not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

20) On a high school math test, MassacreMan put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because MassacreMan solves all of his problems with Violence.

21) Posher and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

22) Dante can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

23) The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Kemal and forgot to pay him back.

24) When Mothman goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

25) There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in AmericanManiac. Fuck you, team.

26) Crop circles are Disease's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

27) Ferret does not sleep. He waits.

28) Slasherman beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL.

29) Whenever DP McCoy plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

30) Angra died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

31) If you laid out all of Return's intestines end to end...He would kick your sorry ass.

32) Murderdoll invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

33) On his birthday, Scarecrow randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

34) Xtrava was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

35) When ManchesterMorgue deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

36) Once a cobra bit Alkytrio's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

37) When Kane Hodder put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it." (I have NO freaking clue what the hell that means)

38) Dewaholic can delete the Recycling Bin.

39) The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Freak."

40) HorrorObsessed can slam revolving doors.

41) Jenna doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.

42) Nikki can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

43) YourlastMistake is the only one who can "try this at home."

44) Hamburger has never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.

45) Gorephobia sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

46) Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Mordrid so he can scare the shit out of them.

47) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Zero.

48) HorrorWench can believe it's not butter.

49) In August 2005, Cheeba, Spallala, and ThomasGeorge went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks ThomasGeorge asked Spallala to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Spallala pulled ThomasGeorge's finger, Cheeba punched ThomasGeorge in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans.


*STILL too long....LAME!*