Quote:
Originally Posted by Roderick Usher
#s 1 & 2 are fine. I'd never use the word "camera" in a script, the same effect can be translated by using the "we move" method. But the key is to make the scene cinematic, make the reader feel like they're in a movie.
Here's how I'd write that bit.
EXT. DUSTY ROAD - SUNSET
A small western town looms in the distance. Long shadows fall across the trail with the CLIP-CLOP of horses hooves on packed earth.
Two MEN on horseback pull their mounts to a halt in the center of the road, their faces silhouetted by the setting sun.
MAN #1
Sure as shit don't look like much.
MAN #2
That's the beauty of it, real diamond in the rough.
The Men urge their horses forward with a light kick to the flanks. They ride slowly toward the town, sun at their backs. |
Nice! Thanks!
I'm glad to hear #1 is acceptable because that's what I've been using. haha