[Papillon Noir]

Originally Posted by bwind22

Thanks Pap. I do have another question regarding dialect in describing scenes and actions. Please tell me which, if any, of the following examples would be acceptable.

1- The sun is setting at the end of a dusty road beyond a western town. In the distance, two men on horseback are riding in with the sun at their backs.

(It is my understanding that this option is probably the one I should be using, but every now and then I get the urge to write stuff like the following examples. I just want to know which is correct or incorrect.)

I'm so glad you're asking about formatting, so many people use incorrect formats. Using the correct format is just as important as the characters and plot. The one thing you have to remember when writing a screenplay is that it is not a novel. Whatever you want to relay to the audience about your characters and plot, you must do through actions and dialogue only.

As for your description, some of what you have there will be shown in your slug line.

Example:

EXT. Western Town - DUSK

Two MEN on horseback ride the dusty road into town with the sun setting at their backs.

Or

EXT. Desert - DUSK

Two MEN ride horseback on a dusty road towards the town in the distance. The sun is setting behind them.

You don't want to be overly wordy, just describe what is necessary to tell your story. You can still be detailed, but you always want to focus more on the dialogue, which is what really allows your story to progress.

Originally Posted by bwind22

2- We see a western town at sunset. A solitary dusty road runs through the center of it. In the distance, we see two men on horseback riding in to town with the sun at their back.

(Pronouns. Is it inappropriate to use terms like "we see" in a script?)

You should make your descriptions as simple as possible. You can you use "we see", but only when it's necessary as it's generally implied. I would stay away from it if you can. I have only ever used it once to describe a montage that happened in one location, to differentiate between cuts.

Originally Posted by bwind22

3- The camera pans along the horizon until it settles on a quiet western town. At the end of a dusty road, two riders on horseback approach the town.

(Camera direction. Should it be included or not. I've read that a writer is not supposed to do the director's job for them, but I've also read that a script is supposed to act as an instruction manual for everyone working on the film. Is it inappropriate to use camera directions in a script?)

Thanks.

Camera direction--not a good idea unless you are writing/shooting/editing it yourself. Camera direction is the Directors/Cinematographers job and they are going to do their own thing.

I would only add camera direction (and edit cuts) if it is imperative to the story, like you really need a close-up of an object so that a character can make a plot turning revelation or something. I would first try to find a way show it through action and dialogue and only do it as a last resort. The "CUT TO:" every other line can very annoying and wastes a lot of space. Remember that it's suppose to be about a minute per page.

Now a shooting script is kind of like an instruction manual. But that's after it's been sold to a production company and the Director and Cinematographer have had their hands through it.

All in all, when writing a script there are "rules" and then there are "guideline". The rules are steadfast, but the guidelines should be followed unless it's imperative to your story.

So, are you writing a western or was that just an example? My first screenplay was a western. :)