[_____V_____]

You Know You're From California When...


The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else.

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

All highways out of the state say: "Go back."

The Terminator is your governor

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"!!

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones and iPods.

Its barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Finally...HEYY!!. . . is pot illegal?