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This just in from the Centers for Disease Control: A new virus has been found in parts of the world that causes erectile impediments. This disease can be transfered by the blood and can be carried by the bite of a mosquito. There no known cure and no vaccine.
These are the most telling symptoms:
Beginning to resemble David Hasslehoff
Muttering unintelligible bullshit about darkness, pain, suffering and hell
Total penile failure
If any male you know begins to develop these symptoms he must be shot on site. I repeat, shot on site.
Good night and good luck.
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By the time you're twenty-five they will say you've gone and blown it. By the time you're thirty-five I must confide you will have blown them all
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