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I am going to try to do this as nicely as possible.
Why?
It is the way in which Ms. Dickinson seems to joyously embrace her madness that makes the poem hauntingly beautiful. Did you think you could add to her greatness? The poem was missing that little touch that only you could provide?
Your over-written excuse for saying "shit" in no way excuses using the trite phrase "shit hits the fan" or even worse, the use of a word so obvious and indicating "proverbial" in a poem.
Thanks for sharing. I'll gladly read more of your poems, but leave the "reworking" alone...please?
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"Little, vicious minds abound with anger and revenge, and are incapable of feeling the pleasure of forgiving their enemies."
Earl of Chesterfield
"A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well."
Francis Bacon
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