Quote:
Originally posted by Zero
oh junior. . . let's get a few things clear here.
First, ordering from the waitress at Denny's does not constitue a romantic exchange with a "girl your own age." She's only talking to you because she gets PAID TO DO SO (you'll understand this when you're mom finally kicks you out of the house - oh, give her my best by the way). If she smiles at you or gives a half fake-laugh to your stupid comment, its BECAUSE SHE WANTS A TIP.
Though, in fairness, having seen your picture, you should probably get used to the idea of paying to interact with women.
As for getting older, well it does happen. Once you enter puberty you'll get a better sense of how the body changes (watch out, eventually you'll get 'hair down there!' - this may scare you at first, but whatever you do DON'T TRY TO PLUCK THEM. . . you might grab the wrong thing and end whatever unlikely sexual opportunities you may eventually run into).
Going crazy talking to inanimate objects am I? Well, you could be right. . . i must be crazy if I'm wasting my valuable time trading barbs with someone who spends most of his time watching beastiality porn on the internet - but more on that later. In all honesty, the kleenex was, indeed, funnier than you and the eggplant, though now covered in mold, was far more interesting.
So, you were watching my wife on the internet (in all fairness, i've never been married. . . but i'll roll with it). Funny how the guy who was busy "talking to girls" instead of "masturbating at a distance" ends up back with Rosy and her Five Sisters. . . I guess the Denny's manager threw you out after he saw what your hand was doing under the table. Of course, I can understand your interest in human- animal sexual relations - being from Iowa your only real chance for losing your virginity is finding a farmer willing to pimp out his horse. But don't worry IA - I'm a romantic at heart and I'm firmly convinced that somewhere out there is a big horse-schlong meant just for you. And, as for my wife, she assures me that the horses were small stakes after sex with me! (and don't worry you'll understand once that whole puberty thing kicks in).
And, while you're munching on your left over Grand Slam Breakfast just remember, one day once you've finished racking up student loans and sucking off your momma's ample bosom (oh, and they are ample - trust me on that - hairy, yes, but ample as well), you're going to have to enter the real world and make enough money to pay for your own internet porn charges and horse feed.
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Let me just start by saying that the best jokes have a thematic element that run throughout them, something that ties them all together. You can tell when you're going up against a brilliant guy because he uses that technique. And let me say to YOU Zero, making Denny's jokes throughout your ENTIRE barrage of insults... mwa! Perfection! Larry the Cable Guy would be proud of you...
And I will say again, YES if you talk to inanimate objects you ARE A CRAZY PERSON. No more joking, if you thought that talking to Kleenex was more enjoyable than talking to a person that deems you as crazy.
Never married? Really? Shit, I gave you too much credit...
And it's true, Iowa does suck... you're right about that. Man, a midwest college town full of 18-21year old girls. Did you know we were ranked #1 out of schools in terms of having girls in Playboy? I... I can't think of a Denny's joke for that, but I still like the sound of it. How many young attractive girls are you surrounded by every day of your life? And NO, your cum-caked magazine cutouts of hentai girls don't count as beautiful women (much like your wife doesn't, apparently).
So, now that this is done, QUICK! Think up another rousing joke-filled tyraid filled with more insults about hair on my mother! Oh, and throw in some insults about the town I live in but wasn't born in (thereby removing me from feeling "burned"). Hell, you could tie em' all together with some Steak N' Shake comments, or a couple NASCAR quips.
Git r' done, Zero!