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Originally posted by ItsAlive75
Sorry it took so long to reply everybody, I was busy talking to a girl my age instead of masturbating to her from a distance like Zero.
Zero, you and my mom hooked up? Good for you, cuz she's a single lady... I'm happy you two found each other. It's good to see you OLD people still being able to have functioning relationships and sex lives... y'know, while you still can. After that your body starts shutting down, and you can see your own dilapidated, withered existence... start thinking about all the mistakes you made in your life, all the great things that passed you by... then the mind goes, and you don't really know anything anymore. Than you die. So good luck being happy with someone before you grow wrinkled, depressed and senile (which... is pretty soon, isn't it Zero?)
As for talking to wet kleenexes and eggplants, I always thought only crazy people did that. So good luck debating inanimate objects I guess...
And yes, you're totally right about the drooling in the keyboard thing. I'm trying really hard to fix that actually, but it's hard........ because your wife's porn website is just so fucking HOT. Seriously, the movie where she takes it in the ass from those two drugged-up horses was brilliant. I didn't have enough energy left to look at the one where she's getting scalded with hot buckets of water while she masturbates, it was too much. (She... she may need some serious help, Zero...)
So I'm gonna go off and drink with my friends on a Friday night. Good luck paying bills, watching TV or typin' on the ol' internet alone (cuz your wife's some sort of super-violent porn again.)
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oh junior. . . let's get a few things clear here.
First, ordering from the waitress at Denny's does not constitue a romantic exchange with a "girl your own age." She's only talking to you because she gets PAID TO DO SO (you'll understand this when you're mom finally kicks you out of the house - oh, give her my best by the way). If she smiles at you or gives a half fake-laugh to your stupid comment, its BECAUSE SHE WANTS A TIP.
Though, in fairness, having seen your picture, you should probably get used to the idea of paying to interact with women.
As for getting older, well it does happen. Once you enter puberty you'll get a better sense of how the body changes (watch out, eventually you'll get 'hair down there!' - this may scare you at first, but whatever you do DON'T TRY TO PLUCK THEM. . . you might grab the wrong thing and end whatever unlikely sexual opportunities you may eventually run into).
Going crazy talking to inanimate objects am I? Well, you could be right. . . i must be crazy if I'm wasting my valuable time trading barbs with someone who spends most of his time watching beastiality porn on the internet - but more on that later. In all honesty, the kleenex was, indeed, funnier than you and the eggplant, though now covered in mold, was far more interesting.
So, you were watching my wife on the internet (in all fairness, i've never been married. . . but i'll roll with it). Funny how the guy who was busy "talking to girls" instead of "masturbating at a distance" ends up back with Rosy and her Five Sisters. . . I guess the Denny's manager threw you out after he saw what your hand was doing under the table. Of course, I can understand your interest in human- animal sexual relations - being from Iowa your only real chance for losing your virginity is finding a farmer willing to pimp out his horse. But don't worry IA - I'm a romantic at heart and I'm firmly convinced that somewhere out there is a big horse-schlong meant just for you. And, as for my wife, she assures me that the horses were small stakes after sex with me! (and don't worry you'll understand once that whole puberty thing kicks in).
And, while you're munching on your left over Grand Slam Breakfast just remember, one day once you've finished racking up student loans and sucking off your momma's ample bosom (oh, and they are ample - trust me on that - hairy, yes, but ample as well), you're going to have to enter the real world and make enough money to pay for your own internet porn charges and horse feed.