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my two cents
I like the lean, raw efficiency of the prose, but feel you may have lost an opportunity to increase the tension and impact.
You mention the look of the creatures before they enter - I feel it would be more impactful to have the reader questioning what could possibly be trying to break into the room. Ratchet the tension with references to the protagonist's quick, stolen glances of the monsters before surprising by the reader with creatures' appearance when they finally bust through the door.
Your style really suits screenwriting. Have you tried that form?
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