Quote:
Originally posted by urgeok
you have comma-itis :)
He knew the door wouldn’t hold for long. They were large, larger than a man, with long, segmented bodies, huge pincers, and piercing, almost human eyes. He had heard the screams of their victims, screams of such despair and terror, he knew that they weren’t just dying; their very being was being consumed.
the last line is akward ... (being, being)
maybe change it to 'their very essence was being consumed' or something like that.
still reading ...
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Wha...? Criticism?! I want asskissing! thats what i call "feedback"..Jerk...
Just kidding, thanks for the suggestions :)
Quote:
Originally posted by hammerfan
As always, Vod, incredible! I always love reading your stories!
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Thanks :)