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I like it, it's an interesting story. The only thing that could be better is the progression. I get the feeling the story is moving too fast, and needs a little slowdown. There are a lot of things that feel like they need more explanation. But it's good.
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I'll kill you and your dreams tonight
Begin new life
Bleed your death upon me
Let your bloodline feed my youth
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Ssshhh....did you hear that?
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