[_____V_____]

coolly written opening...its good...cept the only thing I noticed was

[[ Clay saying to Nathan "What the fuck are you looking at?" then turnin the shotgun on himself and "bang!"]]

...instead of that why cant it be like this...

{{ Clay lowers his shotgun and stares at Mary's body on the floor, rapidly being sorrounded by a huge pool of her blood. He spits beside the body and wipes his lips, a bitter expression on his face.

Just then the telephone beside the settee rings. Clay takes two steps forwards and sinks down heavily into the settee, sneers once and picks up the phone...

SCHUNK!

Clay lets out a grunt and turns around, feeling the cold steel of a sharp object embedded deep inside his neck, piercing his spinal cord. He has one glance at Nathan's distorted, convoluted face before falling backwards on the floor, the kitchen knife going through his neck from the impact of the fall.

Nathan takes one look at Clay, and picks up the phone hanging by its wires.

A voice is yelling from the other side. "Hello? hello?! you there?!"

Nathan slowly replies "They are dead..." and stares at the camera with his deep bluish-grey eyes, looking enigmatic...}}