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Originally posted by bwind22
Let me know what you think of the modifications if you don't mind. Thanks.
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I guess it's better, but I think the first one gave the impression that this has been going on for awhile and she was just fucking sick of it and snapped on him. For whatever reason I just liked it better that way.
Couple people menitoned that she would be afraid of him and not be so bold and that making her meek creates sympathy. Well, if she's tired of all the bullshit because it's been going on for so long then I think she would be bold enough to flat out confront him about it. If she's ready to get divorced and he's fucked up enough to kill himself then this isn't the second or third time, it's been going on for awhile and it's reached it peak and now it's ready to blow.
As for creating sympathy...For what? Her husband's a fucking loser who's beating her, that alone will create more than enough sympathy for someone who dies in the first scene anyway.