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OH.....I SEE HOW IT IS.......TAKE THIS.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
How do you turn a fox into a rottweiller?
Marry her.
What is the one food that can kill a womans sex drive instantly?
Wedding cake.
What does a motor scooter and a fat woman have in common?
Theyre both fun to ride until your friends see you.
Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
About 45 pounds.
Sometimes I wake up grouchy in the morning, but sometimes I let her sleep in.
I havent spoken to my wife for a whole year, I dont want to interrupt her.
How do you spot a macho woman?
Shes rolling her own tampons.
A man will dig under his car seat to find loose change.
A woman will put a 10% off sale item on a credit card charging 20% interest.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Q: Why are wedding dresses white?
A: All household appliances come in white.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what did you do wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: What's the difference between a Mississippi tornado and a Mississippi divorce?
A: Not a thing... either way you lose the trailer.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel! Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look great?
A. Put a nipple on it.
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