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"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
"Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit."
"A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get 'Scent of a Woman'. Her husband came back with a 'Fish Called Wanda'.
"Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't ?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.
Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator."
"Q: Why do men usually die before their wives ?
A: Because they want to."
"A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married ?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying".
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her ?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
"They say that breaking up is hard to do - but it's much easier with a restraining order and a rottweiler."
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
"Make love, not war. I'm married, I do both."
"Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much...
...Monogamy ? It's the same."
"Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener ".
"You never truly know a woman 'til you meet her in court."
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
"Life is a bitch, then you marry one."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished."
"My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog."
"Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy ?
A: Two Mothers-in-law."
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