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LETTER TO REDNECK SON
Dearest Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within
20 miles of your home, so we moved
This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it.
I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the
first time for three days
and the second time for four days.
Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit,
she put a third one in because she heard you have grown
another foot since she last saw you.
Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours
to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what
it is yet, so I don't know
if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your
brother.
Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and
drowned. We had him
cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to
safety.Your other two
friends were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom.
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