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Originally posted by Haunted
When Bloodrayne gets online, I'm positive she's going to have some great advice.
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Actually...I'm not sure if my advice is very good because I would go in a completely different direction...
I don't do the drug thing...and I have very little faith in/patience for counselors/psychologists/etcetera...But, what do I know?
My personal approach is to teach self-reliance....First of all, you are her mother, you know her better than ANY therapist could ever hope to....YOU can talk to her and help her....If you aren't sure which questions to ask to determine which course to take, you can find TONS of information on the internet about ANY subject...You can use that to help you...
If it were my daughter...I would talk to her...Find out how she feels and WHY she feels the way she does...If it's only because she feels that she's overweight, work on THAT problem, don't try to make things more difficult...It doesn't HAVE to be a mental health issue, I wouldn't even consider that avenue because I already KNOW that my daughter is mentally stable, as I have known her all of her life....
Anyway...I would help her to lose weight....You said you are going to the gym with her and she is very active, that's great, it will make it much easier.....
What about a diet?....You said she isn't eating, so she is going to try to 'diet' with or without your help.....Join her, make sure that she's doing it in a healthy way...Instead of not eating at all, teach her how to count calories and fat grams, it isn't that difficult...At her age, it should help her to lose weight relatively easily.....Set a goal (ideal weight), make certain it's a realistic goal...Tell her that she can take weekends off so that she can dine out with the family or friends, and not feel weird about it......
BTW, dieting through the week and taking the weekends off, actually makes it much easier to stick to a diet longer, and in turn makes it work better...This is the main reason why: If you give yourself a certain amount of time to lose weight, like a year or a few months or whatever, then any time you start wanting something you shouldn't have (cake, candy, even cheeseburgers) you will think to yourself "I can't have any of that for a LONG time" (it is very discouraging, and usually makes people give up).....BUT, if you take weekends off...You never have to wait more than 5 days....Like, if it's Monday and you want tacos, just eat a salad and tell yourself you can have tacos on Saturday...ANYONE can make it 5 days....It DOES work, my daughter and I both have done it;)....
Then you go get weighed every friday evening, keep a journal, write down your weightloss every week so you can see your progress (sometimes it's only a pound or 2 per week, but it all adds up, and some weeks it can be 5-10 pounds, especially in the beginning)....
If YOU could lose a little weight yourself, turn it into a competition, that's an EXCELLENT motivator...Whoever loses the most weight at the end of each week, gets $1...That's how WE did it...It wasn't really the $1 (or losing one) that was the incentive of course....It was the thrill of competition itself...
In short...If she wants to lose weight...Encourage her...Make sure she does it the right (healthy) way....This will show her that you have enough faith in her to believe that she knows what she needs and wants, that you are listening and taking her seriously, and that you care enough about her to help her acheive her goal....She WILL lose weight...Which will make her feel better about herself and closer to you for understanding and for helping her...
This will also make her feel that SHE is in control of her life, and that SHE can accomplish things for herself...It's great for the self esteem...Gives you a sense of your own personal power:)
I would think that taking her 'for counseling' would make her feel like something is REALLY wrong with her...And she is already feeling insecure
Packing 'diet' lunches, may encourage her to eat lunch, too
On a side note....Make sure the sister NEVER does anything like that again...That isn't only extremely painful, it's also very discouraging, especially when it comes from a family member...It could make her feel like giving up...Which leads to FAR worse problems than trying to lose weight...