[OctaviusHunter]

great concept. I love the idea that the psycho uses a truck to trick the people that show up at the house.

If you want to submit it somewhere, I'd suggest putting the violence back in and trimming a whole lot of stuff out. Put some more dialogue in and let the kids tell the story. For example if amanda's hair is long and blond let one of the boys comment on it or mention it in one of the scenes as part of the scene.

exposition kills and simplicity when done right sells. See where you can substitute one word for two and get creative with your adjectives. For example instead of "amanda drove the truck extremely fast" You could say something like amanda drove the truck like a bat outta hell"

I love the concept of the story and I think you could polish it and make it great.

finally do a spell check for both spelling and grammar there's a couple of spots where you use "no" and it should be "know"


keep writing and keep up the creativity as long as you can come up with great concepts for stories you can never be stopped.