Quote:
Originally posted by she_died
Not bad, I'd say. The last line is a little clunky, and breaks the meter; I think you could make it a little leaner and meaner. Also "Emotions run high" seems out of place to me. Overall, you've got a cool vibe, nothing to spit at, to be sure. Keep writing!
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Cheers...I'm 26 year old ...still learning the ropes of it all. "Emotions run high" ...All study and play with and no sleep can sometimes cause mixes of a crappy line or two. Your feed back is appriciated :cool:
cole