Quote:
Originally posted by cole
The darkened cloud covers the moon that shines
Smothering coulor and all that is devine
Evil delivers midnight as the clock chimes
Shadows crawl and start to climb.
The dead will soon come out to play
Emotions run high from the murder of the day
Tears now fall from 'blood shed' they say
Truth is hidden; protecting those who will eventually pay.
Cheers for the feedback
-cole- [/B]
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Not bad, I'd say. The last line is a little clunky, and breaks the meter; I think you could make it a little leaner and meaner. Also "Emotions run high" seems out of place to me. Overall, you've got a cool vibe, nothing to spit at, to be sure. Keep writing!