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The day my (what i thought at the time) true love broke up with me as i left for college into an environment i was totally unprepared for.
I spent the next 3 months destroying myself with every drug i could get a hold of (often 3-4 different ones at a time). I had no appreciation for life anymore and welcomed the idea of relief through death. That was the worst period of my life.
I can really identify with you ritualistic, just dont take the path i did. It only hurts your loved ones more. It will probably never stop hurting, but it wont always be this bad.:(
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