[SKOOFx]

I used to be on celexa for anxiety. It helped, but after a while, it just didnt feel right anymore, so i kicked it and tried to fix my hea dup on my own. The celexa definitly helped, but after a year or 2 on that shit, i cant help but wonder if its done any damage. I thikn it definitly changed me permanently (nothing bad), but i guess like you said. Some people need it.

I still have bad anxiety, but beleive it or not, smoking weed and the occasional experiment with drugs does me good. Im very paranoid with my mind, i want it to be stable and in order, and by me worrying about eveyr little thing, it only makes it worse. Sometimes when you just let go. Do something that you wouldnt normally do and just survive it, the end result is you becoming a stronger person. Its kind of like your mind walks away from the experience saying " See, you did what you did..it was fun and its over...your still the same" I have a fear of getting bad anxiety again, and the fear of the anxiety causes it. So my experimentation (not only with drugs, but with spirituality, self refection etc) is my way of learning about my mentality and growing as a person.

Does that make sense? Because its hard to explain, these are just thoughts in my head(so its hard to explain)...but to the rest of the world that knows me, i doubt the struggle within(that we all have) shows.

PS- its interesting though, environment has alot to do with this. When i travel, these issues barely phase me. I guess routine is the mother of all fuckups.