[rikki]

I just want a guy who will shut up, have good sex with me and not call me on the phone. I hate the phone and I don't want to be in any kind of relationship any time soon.

But... if I did meet someone who swept me off my feet or something, he'd have to be a bit aloof and kind of weird. And not want to talk on the phone all day. And I don't want anyone calling me at work or thinking that they need to come visit me at work. And he'd have to be funny and taller than me and able to burp at least half way through the alphabet. He should be able to handle his liquor, smoke pot without being a pot head, and not want kids 'cause I'm not willing to give birth to them. He shouldn't get scared easily and has to know how to handle a gun. He should like outdoorsy stuff more than I do (this way I have a bit more incentive to do outdoorsy stuff) and he HAS to understand what "personal space" is. Oh, and he should have a bit of a crude sense of humor, otherwise we might not get along because he'd probably think I was mean. And he has to be willing to put up all the holiday decorations and should have the sense to know that Christmas lights should be put up BEFORE the snow falls.

And above all else - if something makes me look fat, he'd better fucking tell me.