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Old 12-26-2004, 04:37 AM
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Re: DARKNESS review. December 25, 2004

Quote:
Originally posted by chadbryden
Darkness lost us within 15 minutes. Gone. See ya later. We sat in our seats laughing at how incredibly ridiculous it was. I think that the director or writer or some prankster seriously underestimated the general population's intelligence... and I think the general population is not all that bright. (Bush got re-elected. If you don't see my point, this movie might just be right for you). You know how Scary Movie 3 starts off with the two famous ditzes being frightened by some random noise and that old tinny phone ringing in that big old house, and they creep nervously to the phone for no apparent reason? SAME THING BUT THEY TRIED TO DO IT SERIOUSLY! After the first couple ridiculous 'typical' overdone horror cliches, the entire audience just started laughing at everything that was meant to be SCARY! It was just horrid. There's a creak, and the little boy sits up in his bed ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED. I frequently hear creaks at my house – in the dark at that, but my sympathetic nervous system doesn't kick into high gear every time. Cripes. Every time it shows a television it talks about the upcoming eclipse. Eclipse eclipse eclipse. At least 15 times. Hmmmmm. Oh, now I see it, the eclipse is what triggers all the scary stuff! Oh! Good thing they mentioned it so much or I might have missed that! And they keep drilling into your head how close the little girl and boy are, and that the father is crazy. So much that it gets tiring and laughable (again, not the desired effect). I can't understand why they keep showing the girl at swimming practice. It is annoying and, like everything else in this movie, extremely redundant. But that girl sure was smart! The father took a hardly noticeable temper tantrum (angry at the electrician), and little brother got a tiny bruise on his neck that the doctor dismissed as something he did in his sleep, but SHE KNEW. Oh yeah. She knew something else was up and stated, "It's that house." Heck, her and the boyfriend even went to the 'old man' who knew the history of that evil house. "The old man was right!" Seems like that evil house is gonna make ole daddio go off the deep end. Then... what a twist of plot at the end... turns out that the crazy father DOESN'T go on a killing spree! Why, they were duping us all along! How clever! And all along, there are random noises and scary photos and shadows shooping back and forth across the screen when the characters have their respective backs turned... Do not waste your money. Actually, if your idea is to go on a first date and make out, this movie is perfect. There are lots of good laughs to break the ice, no story to worry about watching, and lots of people groaning in dismay (you'll hear 'waste of money' uttered so many times don't try to count), so you just might end up alone with your date by the end of it! One star.
Sounds like a Shining rip-off, without the right ending. Damn, I was looking forward to this, too. Might check it out anyway though....
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