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I already know about squirrels. Your shitty theory is way off.
You see, Squirrels aren't real-type animals. They were genetically created and bred by the government in conjunction with the oil companies.
"But, Sam, that doesn't make sense!"
Go fuck yourself, imaginary theoretical quote person. They were bred for one reason; acorns. See, acorns can be processed into a cheaper and more efficient fuel source. But they don't want us to know about this or else we'd figure out how to do it ourselves and we wouldn't need them. Imagine, people making cheap fuels that can get hundreds of miles per gallon in their basements. The oil companies would be ruined. So, what does one do? Create squirrels. Think they're gathering those acorns for the winter? Nope. Bringing them to secret government-designated drop zones so that Squirrel Squads can pick them up and deliver them to the companies that process them to make fuels that they can use for gasoline for cars. They're acting like it's regular oil-type gasoline so they can continue to jack up the prices, but it's acorn-based gasoline. It's inefficient because they're processing it wrong on purpose. They don't care, it's cheap to make and the acorns are free.
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