[Stingy Jack]

Here's a fun little thread for those of you who want to get a few laughs out of people. The goal here is to come up with the worst comparison you can think of. Here's a few examples.


"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

"McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

"He was as tall as a six-foot-three inch tree."

"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

"John and Mary never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon."

"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man'".