[Stingy Jack]

I actually was a clown at one point. It was a one-time gig, an easy fifty during the summer of my first year in college. It sucked. I was a terrible clown. I'm funny to adults ... but kids just want you to fall down and hit yourself in the balls. They don't want to hear any witty one-liners or a zing on a friend. They want balloon animals, magic tricks, and for the clown to hurt himself very badly.

So, I was a terrible clown. The parents didn't want to pay me at first. Thankfully, they were afraid of clowns so they coughed up the dough just to get me to leave.