[Stingy Jack]

Well, I guess you are still at lunch, Ege. I'll go ahead and post my response here since I need to get going (this thread could always be moved).

I really like this story, so far. Surprising enough, I am honestly looking forward to reading the rest of it! I like your setting, your protagonist, and the fact that you set up the creepiness right away (the old house, the loner, the mysterious and gruesome apparitions). You do a great job with the basics of good storytelling, and I think you should really stick to it.

The criticisms I have are all small, technical things:

1) I think you move a little too fast. I would not have said so if this was a short story, but since you have divided it up into chapters, I am assuming that it is a novel. With a novel, you do not need to rush. Take your time to describe things a bit more. For example, your protagonist falls asleep and, we assume, he has a nightmare because he wakes up screaming. Why not show us this nightmare? You have the time to do it, and it will give us a chance, as readers, to get into your character's head even more. This is just an example.

2) Crap, I have to leave to go shopping. My wife is pulling the "I'm walking out the door!" maneuver. I will type more when I return.