[Stingy Jack]

My wife had a C-Section with our kid. It was the most real-life bloody thing I have ever seen. And our kid ... lol ... funny story here.

This was my first (and only) child, so I was really inexperienced when it came to newborns. I mean, cut fresh out of the belly babies. I would catch some glimpses of births and stuff on educational TV, but that stuff always made me queasy (and me, a horror fan!)

Anyway, our kid was pulled out of the slit in her momma's belly, and the doctor called me over to take a look. I was shocked, and afraid, and grossed out all at once.

My child was PURPLE! And ... and WRINKLY!! And she had one of those small cone-head things going on! (See, the C-Section was an emergency thing because the baby couldn't squeeze itself out. My wife was in labor for almost 48 hours.)

I look at the doctor with panic in my eyes, and I think I said something to the effect of "Buh buh buh buh .... ppppthththth". The doctor just smiled and said, "You have a beautiful baby."

I did a double-take at the THING in his hands. Was he crazy, or was he just some sick fuck?? I glanced back at the wife, and saw the bloody mess all over the sheets she was laying on. They hung a sheet across her chest, so she wouldn't glance down and see what they were doing. But, that thing was soaked in blood, too.

"You want to touch her?" the doctor asked, bringing me back into focus. I looked down at the screaming monstrosity he held.
"Do I get any gloves to wear?" I asked.

Suffice it to say, I managed to press an extended finger into the palm of my baby girl's hand. And when she held my finger ... well ... that's when the tears started.

I was really happy.


I just hoped I could keep her hidden from the family ... at least until her head grew into shape.

The end