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Godsend 2004 ★˝
Bla bla technology... bla bla bla cloning... bla bla bla they're going too far... Robert De Niro yadda yadda yadda
But you yadda yadda'd over the best part.
I mentioned cloning.
No. All jokes aside, this one is not likely to pop up in any retrospective on either Robert De Niro or Greg Kinnear. Kinnear at least tries, but De Niro phones it in.
Leash 2018 ★
Now I know what Otto felt like when he walked out of the stoner pot palace. Because this is flagrant false advertising.
This is not about football. In fact, it's just background noise. A plotline that could have easily been dropped all together. That would not influence the story at all.
For the lines between patriotism and xenophobia to be blurred (as the plot synopsis claims), you would need a story that's a lot more complex and layered and nuanced. Sadly, we don't get any of that. On the contrary. This is almost offensively simplistic.
All we get is a stereotypical gang of racist Welsh women bullying a Polish girl. The waisters beating up on the good girl. 5 on 1 of course. At least, they realised that it would be too rich to have a Welshman complaining about a foreigner not speaking proper English.
No revenge. Little or no pay-off. An ending with no rhyme or reason.
You can undoubtedly do powerful movies about racism and how it occurs in football stands and what not. This movie did not do that. At all.
Cocaine Shark 2023 ★
One of the first in a what will probably feel like a nearly endless slew of Cocaine Bear knockoffs.
The main cop, Sonny Drebin*, wants to catch a dealer and stop him from selling a shark related drug he designed. When he should know nothing beats swank. Also, he immediately gets addicted to it himself. It's awesome.
Yes, it's only 1 star, but I had a ball. I simply love this kind of trashy schlock. Between the terrible practical effects and the lackadaisical delivery – Yeah, we exist and stuff. Should we sound badass now? Whatever. – this movie has all the “qualities” to deserve a place in the “so bad they're good” lists along with other gems like The Room and so on.
I love how their idea of tripping on drugs looks like an epileptic episode. Or how they managed to sneak in a Brian Pilman lookalike hostage taker. How do they overpower this mean machine? Super easy, barely an incovenience.
Or the mere idea that the lead probably accidentally shaved his beard before the end of the shoot. What do you mean, you thought we were done? Oh well, guess we will have to work that into the story now. Somehow.
*What else would you call with a Tubbs-beard, a wish for Sonny Crocket-toughness and a Leslie Nielsen-style voiceover? It's amazing.
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