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I also like incense.
And I know I am hard on myself but from my standpoint it's difficult because when I was 9 years old and my father died my mother moved me and her from St Louis to South West Virginia away from all of my friends into an area where I didn't know anyone and no one knew me therefore I was an outsider and that stuck with me my entire School career or whatever you want to call it and I never had a social life. All of my friends were going out on dates with women but I couldn't get a date to save my life because everyone knew I wasn't from there and that's why everyone treated me differently and bullied and tormented me every single day. I basically graduated a shell of a person not even really knowing myself and ever since then I have just been trying to get by while being a very lonely person. I was in love once and there was a time when she loved me but we began to drift apart and due to other things Beyond My Control she started thinking I was having an affair so she cheated on me and that's how that ended so it's really fucked me up. It's hard to have a good self-esteem or confidence when everytime I try to do something for myself it blows up in my face thus creating more negativity or pain or stress, but never anything positive to make me feel good about myself. Since I have been in Las Vegas I have tried making friends but the people I have tried making friends with have all been thieves and the times I have tried asking women out I get that generic lying about how I am a great guy that any woman would be lucky to have but not her because women seem to only care about looks And that is very frustrating for someone like me who has never been able to just skip through life never having to worry about how to value a woman or take care of them like most pretty boys do which is why women usually dump them after they fuck them a few times and wine and bitch to all their friends about how they can't find a good guy. Wait a minute who do this kind of thing are so two-dimensional and most of them can't think for themselves and that is not the woman I want. I want someone who is intelligent and can hold a conversation. I know there are good women out there I just don't understand why they are so hard to find and why so many women hold so much against my appearance or my eyesight but yet can come to me and talk to me about anything or tell me I'm a wonderful guy. I'm tired of everyone taking everything for granted or just using people for whatever they can get out of them and tossing them away.
a few nights ago I had this dumb bitch I met on Plenty of Fish invite me to come sing karaoke with her at a bar and so I spent an hour-and-a-half on the buses to get there only for her to tell me five minutes afterwards that she is leaving. She knew what I looked like but she insisted on doing that to me anyway and for what? I want to know why the only women I can attract are such absolute garbage excuses for human beings.
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