A day in the life of the hippest person in the world
 

I started the day by waking up at 1:37pm, I jumped on my mac to upload some new songs to my i-pod (all songs you've probably never heard of) that I would experience today. I got in the shower and sang "love will tear us apart" by joy division about 2 and a half times. I got dressed by trying to look like lady gaga trying to look like elvis costello, I was quite pleased with the result. next, I spent about 2 hours making my hair look like I didn't have to spend any time on it because it was naturally awesome. I headed to starbucks and turned my phone off because so many people want to talk to me and I don't want people interrupting me while I write my novel about how corrupt the government is. I got tired of looking at all the poseurs at starbucks these days and also I was tired because I think I have chronic mono. I went home and took some snaps of thrift stores and sad homeless people, I'll photoshop them later and post them on my art blog.

anway, how was your day? ha j/k I don't care.

Have six of you and I met? Also, do you work for McSweeney's?

I'm one of a kind, sir. *adjusts thick rimmed glasses*

My mistake. Let me buy you some Whole Foods sushi and take you to a Jim Jarmusch movie to make up for it.

Sounds like a pretty hip day, but I think I've got you beat:

I woke up at 5:00am, ironically, then brushed my teeth and took a shower, both with a total sense of irony. Then I got dressed and went to work, totally ironically, laughing at myself the whole way there. I worked until about 12:30pm (I just sat there at my desk, compiling spreadsheets and forwarding memos, rolling my eyes and smirking the whole time). Then I went to lunch at "McDonald's". Psh. Seriously, right? I ironically ordered a Big Mac because, like, everyone eats those. I mean what's the deal? Anyway, I went back to work all smug and finished out the workday, loving the irony of it all. Then I went home and read my copy of the Best American Nonrequired Reading 2005 Edition (I mostly just glanced at excerpts from Beck's introduction. Is it okay to like him again yet or not? Er, nevermind. I "get" it.)
Anyway, I don't remember what else I did, but I'm sure it was all done with a snarky grin and a firm sense of irony. Then I went to bed, because well, everybody expects me to. Psh, heh heh.

Woke up on the couch at whatever the ungodly hour it was when my three year old jumped on my chest and said,"Daddy I peed my pants." Got him changed and back to bed, couldn't fall back to sleep myself so I got ready for my last final of the semester. Did mediocre on the exam, did not kiss the girl of my dreams good bye afterward (because I'm married with kids of course) and went home. As soon as I get there the wife leaves to hang out with 'the girls' and I play with my two sons (best part of the day might I add) feed them bath them and put them to bed. My wife comes home 2 hours later than she said she would. And then she proceeds to tell me how she got stoned with a bunch of guys. Got drunk. Became the bad guy during a very short argument and now I'm back to bed, on the couch.

So we're talking about our days?
I can throw one in that's probably about as boring as what I've seen so far.
I got up at like...10:36. No work today. Actually I hate my job so I decided I'm really only ever gonna work on mondays and tuesdays.
I came out here to my living room where the PC is, switched it on then made myself a coffee. Came over with said coffee, replied to an email I've not had the chance to on account of work, I thought a little, I downloaded my weekly comics from dc++, I hung out with my cat though he was only being extra friendly 'cos he wanted to be fed early. Gave my rats and my bug some water. Read some comics. At 12:30 I turned my "lights" on and checked the status...looks like some more females happening which is good.
Half-re-potted my salvias, will finish with new potting mix and coco coir later on. Theyre drinking now.
The chick got up a bit later and we just hung out, I made tea then. We watched an episode of Glee, I ate some grilled flatbread and sardines mixed with habanero sauce and finely diced onion, made a coffee again which I'm drinking now.
Typed some shit. Played some Billy Idol.
This is now.

Hmm...tsk, tsk...MD you poor thing. Lady Dahmer trapped inside a angry girl's body.

Get over here and we can be the next Bonnie & Clyde. Our killing and robbing spree will make headlines around the world.

That, and we will blast all babies into space.

whoever (*cough* fuglystick) is adding these tags has not seen me attention whoring, trust me I'm a pro.

I'm the coolest person I personally know, which is rather sad actually. Actually my wife is cooler than me, but this post is about me.
No one will hire me(this is going on a year and a half now), so I slept a little late.
Filled out some applications online when I got up, Staples, Best Buy, McDonalds...you know, the really high paying joints.

Went into the kitchen and saw that my favorite plant, a Peace Lilly, was all drooped over from lack of water. Asked the wife,"couldn't you water the plant?" to which she replied "you can water the plant as well as I can, and I have a handicapped son to take care of, lazy ass".

For the record, I'm not lazy and she knows it, she's just mad because I can't find a job.(my step son is autistic BTW.)

Went out and applied at several places, even Walmart.

Spent the rest of the day wondering how I went from $16.50 an hour as a manager at a huge liquor store to where I am now making nothing and happily applying at places I swore I'd never work.

Found $6 and some change in the car, and got a six pack of beer. Here I am now with 1 left in the fridge.
Gonna have to re-evaluate things some.