| Haunted |
11-08-2006 08:18 AM |
Very interesting story, Vod. You're right, it could use some work, but not in the sense of changing everything. I think you need to draw it out more. It needs more... meat. A little background on this particular area would be nice. Maybe develope a local legend, and play it in Glenn's head as he walks through. Connect the dots with the clues; I mean, okay, he finds them. I'd rather you give circumstances under which he finds them. That way you can build a lot more suspense and fear, not only in Glenn, but in your audience.
The two things that I think you should consider changing are:
1. The guy who hired Glenn... Maybe Glenn should be the Native American, because there are very few wealthy Native Americans in this country. I know this because part of my heritage is Native American.
2. I wouldn't give Glenn the job of PI. PI's generally don't do that kind of work. Maybe he's a hunter or even a bounty hunter with a noble reputation. Perhaps he's got a degree in biology with a healthy hobby in cryptozoology. Maybe the idea of monsters in the woods has always fascinated him.
Since who or whatever is there seems to know and/or like Glenn, maybe it senses his fascination and takes it as a sign of respect and awe.
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