Blood Ghost Haunting-The first chapter of my novel.
 

This is the first chapter of my novel Blood Ghost Haunting. I'm not sure if this will be the name of the novel and this is just a draft.

Blood Ghost Haunting

Sounds like it has potential, but I have a question: Is Tom the boss or Steve? I ask because the dialouge jumps around and in one instance Steve is the asshole boss, and then its Tom.

I fixed the problem. I hope. I don't know how I did that. It must have been confusing indeed.

What do you think?
 

I noticed many people have visited this thread and would like to get some feedback. I want my novel to work and feedback is crucial for me to do this.

I will never be offended by comments in any way because honesty will help more than "surgar coating" or silence. Thanks.

I like it, it's an interesting story. The only thing that could be better is the progression. I get the feeling the story is moving too fast, and needs a little slowdown. There are a lot of things that feel like they need more explanation. But it's good.

Thanks for the input. I want the story to be fast paced and since it is the first chapter then I wouldn't reveal certain things. In the first chapter I wanted to introduce the creature and make the reader want more. However, I will look it over again and see what I can change.

I could only get so far so in reading this because it doesn't have a flow but I am not knowledgable enough to tell you exactly how and what to do about it.
I think you have a great story idea though from the little I did read.

This is how I know I am going to like a book and it's probably not the best way.. but:
I read the first page of the first chapter and if it grabs my attention,I will continue.

I agree with Miss Olivia about the pacing,It felt very rushed.


I hope this helps and I hope my post isn't taken in the wrong vein.
Good Luck:)

It is exactly what I want by posting it here. I'm going to further develope this novel and hope the next version is better.

Thanks