Is It Dark Enough???
 

Hi, to all the horror fans. I'm currently studing 'writing' and hopefully one of my novels or scripts when finished will take off one day...I've been practising my so called 'art' in form of novel writing, poetry and lyrical rhymes.
This is the first piece of poetry I'm displaying to the public and would like the truth...if u like it ...GREAT... but if u don't...thats fine too; you will only help strenghten my back bone!!!

Here goes:

The darkened cloud covers the moon that shines
Smothering coulor and all that is devine
Evil delivers midnight as the clock chimes
Shadows crawl and start to climb.

The dead will soon come out to play
Emotions run high from the murder of the day
Tears now fall from 'blood shed' they say
Truth is hidden; protecting those who will eventually pay.

Cheers for the feedback
-cole-

Shine Divine Chime Clime
Wish I could Rhyme

Play Day Say Pay
Wish I was by the Bay

Im sorry cole, Its still really eary here in PA, im not woke up yet, I thought it was good. oh and ugh I hope you stay a member and dont just get the feedback from this post and leave forever.

It's all good...I'll b back again I'm not the "i'll love u then leave u type" lol. It's getting late here is Aussie but I'm a bit of a night owl anyway

Hell, im getting ready to go to school right now.

Re: Is It Dark Enough???
 

Not bad, I'd say. The last line is a little clunky, and breaks the meter; I think you could make it a little leaner and meaner. Also "Emotions run high" seems out of place to me. Overall, you've got a cool vibe, nothing to spit at, to be sure. Keep writing!

Did You ever kiss a boy and accidently burp in His mouth?:D

Nope. I think I should change my avatar to a picture of a penis. My handle probably is confusing a lot of people lol

HELLO
 

Hi she-died...Having next to no sleep can cause the dribbley crapy parts, thanx for your opinion !!!
What's happening in your neck of the woods???

cole

Hello
 

Can't say i CAN REMEMBER ever accidently buping in a boys. did he for give u???

hello
 

School rules:)