whats the worst thing you can say when having sex
 

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"I thought you said your husband was working late"

or the dreaded mood killer and a half

"Hi Im fattybluetit"

calling out the wrong girl's name

Have you put on weight?

Is it supposed to look like that?

Your sister never complained about anal.

Your brother never complained about anal.

Your Dad never (nevermind, you get it)

If i close my eyes, i'm just fantasizing about Prince.

*Dry Heave*

God I wish I was drunk....

The joke was right, I do need flour.

Usually I like breasts on women, but you have a nice ass.

(while having sex with a porno on) I wish you looked like her.

If you loved me, you would put this tennis ballup your ass.

Here, wear this mask.

Here, wear this paper bag.

If you loved me, you would let me wrap this belt around your neck.

Sorry, it slipped.

c'mon, I cant finish if i dont throw up.

I didnt know women could have so much hair on their ass...

Did this twice, once with my wife when I was drunk before we were married, funny she still married me. This can be a fatal mistake.

By the way love the sig. Suicide Kings is a great film.

"What's that awful smell?"

No, seriously, I've said that before when my girlfriend was on her period. I'm lucky I still have me nuts.

"If it feels a little scratchy, those are just the scabs."

Oh god... that's gross.

*rip*
*tear*
*SCREAM*

Jesus man.... With one line, you blew away my entire post... ewww...... :)

how's this:
"Just so you know, before i finish, i usually shit myself"

Anything cheesy like asking you if you're loving it, or the horrible is it in yet?!

Never been a victim of "is it in yet"

But "Ow" is a good mood killer, or "sorry".

I get this a lot " GET THAT MASSIVE MEMBER AWAY FROM ME"
Really.........NO...........really I do.













snff,sniff....not really:(

True story, from the first time with my fiance:

"Where do youplan on putting THAT thing?" Said with awe. I'm serious. :D

From some girl I had sex with (I don't even remember her name...)..

"That's it?"

She was a little on the slutty side. I'm pretty sure she could have taken on a barber pole.

Also, you know you're doing good when the girl says "you're not done YET?"

I'm definitely not a 5 minute man.. more like 5 hours.

"I've had better."
"Wait, didn't you say your husband was working lait?"
"That was fun. I'm still hard. Wheres your sister?"
"Why is there a a chicken bone inside your... nevermind, I don't want to know."
"Damn, you're loose."
"You need to do something about that hair on your upper lip."
"Hey, you're not Cindey!"
"Heres a breeth ment."
"I told you if you pulled away it'll get in your eye."

oh mom

I think the ultimate to end all intimacy happened to me.

So me and my now ex, were getting in to it and all, then she starts giving me a BJ. So a few minutes in to it, she burps. Like, one of those giant, throat rattling burps.

Instant mood killer. Needless to say, she fell over laughing her ass off for the next ten minutes, I'm laying there, split on whether to laugh or be pissed off.

Yeah.

Better than Oh Dad....


A freind of mine knew alady that would freak her husband out by pretending to be talking to someone while having sex. Their marriage was having some problems, i assume.

ROFL!! Jesus christ, that is funny. I got in some trouble one time when my lady and i were in the "Canine" position, and she made a feminine sound, AKA, Queef. I laughed, mostly because it was just absurd, but she was quite emberrased.

Does telling something you told an ex you would never tell, on line, count as some sort of recvenge? Because if it does, I jst did :)

way into giving her some real lovin and having to say..

"oh...... I need a shit."

nasty

true

Not so much as someting I said, but something I did, and have done it a few times....

My gf was giving me head and I was all relaxed and just couldn't help myself but to let out a big ole fart....

That's happened a few times.... Instant mood killer for her....

kpro that is DISGUTSTING!!!

...

and there goes my dinner :mad:

HAHAHAHA what can I say....

Hell It's not like I could help it anyway, there's just something about a warm mouth that relaxes the body....

Ok well I'll shut up now:D

Hey, it DOES happen. It really sucks, but it's unpreventable. When you're that relaxed, you don't even feel it coming most of the time.

Heh, I said "coming".

Wow, so Mallrats was based on actual events.... ;)

Hahahahaha. This thread is beautiful. I thought about Mallrats with the whole farting duing oral thing. That hasn't ever happened to me, but I would prabably puke if it did.

"LORD NO! I PEE OUTA THAT THING!!"

"I thought you were only my 3rd cousin"

"wrong hole fuckoo"

"Thats it? Your Done?"

"I hope it gets bigger than that!"


Alright im done

"Whose that with the camera"

That would be me http://users.telenet.be/eforum/emoticons4u/evil/220.gifhttp://users.telenet.be/eforum/emoticons4u/evil/509.gifLOL JK

yeah...I say that about covers it. LMAO

I'm sad to say this happened to me when I was a teen and it almost scared me for life. When I was getting a BJ the girl went down to far and gagged and threw up all over me and everthing else.....took me forever to get over it. I think thats one reason I'm more of a giver than a reciver.

*ergh*

HAHAHAHA that's fucking hilarious, though I'm sure it sucked for you...

funny yet disgusting

That is the single funniest post I've seen on here since I joined the site. It is the only one that actually made laugh out loud.

So, in return... Here is something funny I found while searching for a completely different image! It's completely unrelated, but funny just the same.

http://www.jbelectric.us/ot/stolemytv/tyson.jpg

The reason why that made me laugh is because the white guy looks so damn happy hahahaha