Tired of everyone on here ignoring you or thinking you are retarded?
 

don't worry, I'm not just here to point out your problems. I have an actual solution:

PAY ME TO WRITE YOUR POSTS

I charge 10 cents a word which is a fantastic value, especially when you consider how much "qualified" ghostwriters charge. besides, how can a person even attach a price tag to online popularity? believe me, it's priceless.

testimonials are in my signature.

note: my research has found that a nonchalant approach to capitalization is extremely cool, however I will capitalize words correctly for an additional 5 cents.

Do you take Paypal?

of course. :)

I'm really having trouble expressing my feelings in the "Hanna Montana Foot Fetish" THREAD.....PERHAPS YOU COULD HELP ME.

My credit card info:

Visa
# 4326-7820-5555-0128 113 exp. date 11/11

stay far away from it.

I would go into more detail about why you should not post in such a thread, but that's for next week's posting seminar.

Have been called retarded and gotten uncomfortably used to being ignored......where do i sign up.

If I am retarded do I get a discount?

how would you know ?

Cause my ma and pa calls me retarted all the time.

I could go as low as 5 cents a word, if you are truly in dire need of my assistance.

Hell Yeah!!! I ll get baby sis Sisann working the street to pay you.:cool:

But can you guarantee I'll be called 'retarded' less and no longer ignored?

Dolly, that's 1 step away from prostitution.

You're almost there.

I'd pay. :D


For...you know. The posts...

If you get overwhelmed with orders, you can outsource posts to me for three cents a word, retaining a seven cent per word profit.

if I was a serious professional writer, my dream would be to get to a point in my career that would allow for me to outsource 100% of my work. people would be reading my latest novels and I'd no longer be writing them, I would just find some writer from india who writes better.

oh dreams...

Me and cous Bubba have baby sis Sisann working the street right to pay you off OP sex goddess.Maybe you like go to dinner at the burger shack down the road some time OP?maybe give ole Junior here some sugar and than some.

I'm pretty certain Stephen King's been doing that lately. But, the guy he found sucks.

I haven't read anything of his recently. :o

ha I was just about to say that! Who would you recommend as far as horror goes Doc? I'm after something overly violent and twisted.

Question: Are five emoticons per post better than four?

Apeshit by Carlton Mellick or A Million Versions or Right by Matthew Revert. Both friends and associates of mine, both some of the sickest SOBs I've ever met. Also, Jordan Krall's gory Bizarro Spaghetti Western Fistful of Feet might be right up your alley. He's a hardcore cult film aficionado obsessed with ultraviolence and psychosexual tension. I think your taste in movies indicates you'd be totally into most of this Bizarro stuff.

Say whaaaaaaat? :):confused::confused::confused::confused:

Finally, the guy I've been paying to write my posts keeps showing up drunk.
I'M NOT DRUNK:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

You should outsource your posts to me, Milktoaste posting substitute. Then you can get as drunk as you want.

(Disclaimer: Faustus may also be drunk while posting)

So sugar and spice you gonna hook me up or?:D

Thanks I'll check those out! Found out these are available locally for a change :)

Gonna pick up some new reading material over the next couple of months when I finish the stuff I've got. Those three look fucking great.

Please OP you saw through I am fake I am not hillbilly but I know I can be saved by you.:eek::cool:

Doesn't surprise me that you can find them locally. Australia is pretty friendly to Bizarro and small press horror it seems. Those three should be just your speed. Carlton and Jordan's stuff in general is very video nasty influenced. There's a reason Eraserhead Press' books get blurbs from Lloyd Kaufman.

I'm tired of expressing myself through word, I'd like to hire you to post a youtube video of an interpretive dance instead. I'll pay twenty dollars and all I need is for you to wear a big foam radish costume and dance around a pool of Jello and cabbage.

There's probably already a video of that on YouTube.

I think instead of that you should only express yourself with farts of varying loudness and stinkitude.

I wonder for how long? Aussie seems to be tightening their belt censorship wise. Over here in New Zealand it isn't as bad but considering most of the stuff in stores like DVDs/books a sourced from Australia it does directly effect us.

It would be expression through a proxy, keep up.

Well, my friends at Legumeman don't seem to be especially worried, but I'll have to see how that pans out.