How to Know if You Are an Asshole
 

Lesson One : At the Movies


you are an asshole if :


1) you talk on your cellphone during the movie

2) you sit directly in front of a kid who was there long before you, and the theatre is almost empty

3) you put your feet up on the seat ahead of you. fucking filthy habit

4) you kick the seat in front of you repeatedly (one accident is ok)

5) you let your kids run wild during the show

6) you talk during the movie

7) you crinkle candy wrappers all through the film

8) you spill your drink on the floor

9) you yell stuff at the screen

10) you bring a laser pen - and use it.

Lesson One : At the Movies


you are an asshole if :


1) you talk on your cellphone during the movie - NEVER

2) you sit directly in front of a kid who was there long before you, and the theatre is almost empty - Nope, unless he's behind the seat I want.

3) you put your feet up on the seat ahead of you. fucking filthy habit - Nope, I sit behind the bar, but this never bothers me if the seat in front is empty.

4) you kick the seat in front of you repeatedly (one accident is ok) - Nope

5) you let your kids run wild during the show - No kids

6) you talk during the movie - Nope, during the previews though.

7) you crinkle candy wrappers all through the film - Try not to, but if you buy candy it's not even in the box anymore, it's in a crappy plastic package inside the box. Sorry, but if I pay $9.00 for some Raisenettes, I'm eating them during the movie.

8) you spill your drink on the floor - I hope not, people can have accidents without being an asshole though.

9) you yell stuff at the screen - Never

10) you bring a laser pen - and use it. - Never

LESSON TWO: DRIVING

1] YOU DON'T USE TURN SINGLES

2] YOU TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE

3] YOU TOSS PAPER OR OTHER GARBAGE OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE

4] YOU EAT WHILE DRIVING

5] YOU BLAST YOUR MUSIC [usually rap ]

6] YOU TAILGATE [GET THE FUCK OFF MY ASS ]

7] YOU DRIVE TOO SLOW IN THE PASSING LANE

think it through ... we walk through all manner of shit in our shoes

the seat isnt always going to be empty - the next person to sit there will have their head where the dirty fucking soes were.

it wouldnt be acceptable behavior in your home on your furniture .. it's not acceptable in a theatre.

3) you put your feet up on the seat ahead of you. fucking filthy habit


6) you talk during the movie




Guilty.

funny thing about L.A. - everyone here seems to be somehow attached to the movie industry, so the theaters (particularly the two Arclight venues) are like churches - everyone seems to have an almost reverentuial attitude toward the movie-going experience

the exception is the New Beverly Cinema where bringing in beer/weed is expected and everyone shouts at the screen - but it is also like a church... or more like a cult

I'd be throwing someone out of a theater who was talking on thier phone or texting during a film

*raises hand, stands up solemnly, looks around at the others, and speaks in a low, guilty-ridden voice*

My name is __V__, and I am an asshole...




























































...oops, wrong meeting.

some asshole was talking on his blackberry directly behind me a couple of movies ago .. i turned full around - stared at him - and said "You've got to be fucking kidding me" he hung up

remind me to put dogshit in your baseball hat

I put my feet up on the seats, but either on the back of the seat or so that my feet are over the seat and not touching where someone else will be sitting.

What I hate even more is when parents want to see a movie so they bring their 7 year old kid to an 18A movie. Then spend the whole time telling the kid to close his eyes, or blab on about how they will never take them to see a movie again because they had to spend the whole time taking care of the kid. That's right ruin my movie by complaining about how you chose to bring your child and in turn ruin your movie AND you kid doesn't even get to enjoy it. We all lose.

Think it through, if there is nobody sitting next to said feet, the part of the body resting on the seat would be the backs of the ankles and NOT the bottom of said shoe.

i forgot that one ..


bringing kids to age inappropriate shows - then they scream because they are scared. or crying babies.

if shhhh, shhhhh , shhh doesnt work ... get the fuck out of the theatre

Exactly. I went to see Matrix Reloaded on opening night and a guy dressed as Neo told me to get my feet off the seats. :eek:

i see it every time i go to the show .. the soles of the shoes are on the back of the seat where your head or neck rests - depending on how tall or short you are oryour posture in the chair.

this is no debate ... its common fact

I was watching X-Men 2 in the theater awhile back, and because I m good friends with the owner, he got me the front row corner seat in the top box.

The movie started and I was feeling good about sitting in the best seat of the house watching a kickass flick, when this guy comes in (about 20 minutes into the flick) and crosses right in front of me to sit 4-5 seats away in the same front row.

About 5 minutes later, his mobile rings.

Muttering something about always getting disturbed, he moves out (again from right in front) to talk into his cell.

He comes back 4-5 minutes later, CROSSES AGAIN, and sits.

(I glare at him, and say nothing. He doesn't notice me.)

His cell rings again, LOUDLY, and he hastily walks out by CROSSING IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN.

(Peeking from the corner of his eyes at me, who is glaring back with flaring nostrils)

About 5 mins later, he is back, AGAIN CROSSING ME IN FRONT.

(I mutter something loud enough for him to hear and look back without reply)

And guess what? 15 minutes later, his mobile rings as loudly as bells of a fire brigade.

He gets up, and 4-5 of the people sitting around start yelling at him. As he crosses me, I say "Dont you DARE return back, motherfucker!"

He didnt return.

It's not common fact, if I put my feet on the seat my feet hang over the top of the seat and the back of my ankles rest on the top of the chair.

I admit to stage whispering instead of regular whispering when I tell my girlfriend not to talk during the movie. Does that count?

Yea, you're an asshole. :cool:

Hey pal, I took that step a long time ago.


Haven't moved since.

homework for you - next time you're at the show - take a peek around to see how the others do it.


the theatre we go to - you couldnt do that without the back of the chair cutting into your ankles ... it would be incredibly uncomfortable to sit that way.

I do that, too, but only if the seat is empty. I don't have a problem with people putting their feet up as long as they're out of my way...



Fucking disgusting pieces of trash. I feel the same way. The boyfriend and I went to see Friday night showing of Horrorfest's Autopsy and this real piece of work had her one-year-old there. It's a fucking HORROR MOVIE.

Babies shouldn't be let into the theater. PERIOD, let alone for R-rated films. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!

That sounds like Heaven.

I find it appalling that it's actually RARE that I go to a movie and it's silent for the entire duration. If you go to the movies, YOU SHOULD BE SILENT.

If you talk during the movies, you should be shot.

Plain and simple.

Fair enough, different theaters and seating and all...

The theater I go to has stadium seating and the tops of the seats are well padded.

I don't mind the foot thing. I've only ever seen people do it like Despare.

What I can't stand is when somebody with a weak bladder sits rights at wall end of a row filled with people.

Or people who throw popcorn

Or people who put their bag on the seta next to them in a crowded theatre.

Or people who take both arm rests

Or people who see a three seat gap and choose the middle one.

Or people who stick their thumb up after a trailer.

Or people who constantly tell their buddy that this is; "...a good bit."

I'm a bit of a "sprawler;" but I try to sit in the row with the aisle that cuts through the seats to give access to the exits. That way I can slouch as much as I want. :D

Personally, I hate nacho eaters.
Are you an asshole? Probably not...but I still hate you.

Do you even realize how stinky that shit is when you breathe it on the back of my head? They are way overpriced anyway, just get popcorn and some candy.

If you want DINNER...go eat dinner. Stay away from nachos and hot dogs.
I can tell you that after working in a movie theater for 2 years, you don't want to eat them anyway. Trust me.

-D

Don't forget: 14 year olds finger bangin their girlfriends, spitwads and/or the mysterious piece of candy that hits you in the back of the head.

i second that one as well..

it stinks and its garbage

I always switch my phone of during a movie and keep my talking to a quiet whisper. I do have a habit of laughing my ass off during gory scenes which gets some whack looks from people.

The only time I've been an asshole was during the Da Vinci Code. Me and a few guys had been drinking most of the afternoon and just let that movie have it :D We must've broke some sort of record for beer consumed during a movie! Most people enjoyed our clever "wit" and we didn't get asked to leave so I guess it wasn't to bad. One of my favorite movie going experiences. Can't remember a damn thing about that flick except that it sucked.

That place sounds like all types of awesome!

I do have a habit of putting my feet on the back of seats but only if nobody is sitting in front of me.And I put my feet right below the top of the seat.So the only way they could get there head dirty woukld be to bend thier head backwards at a ninety degree angle.

I tend to rest my legs on the seat in front of me all the time, but my legs are long enough that my feet never actually touch the seat, just the back of my legs.

I do that.

I know the person sitting on one side of me isn't smelly or loud, I put jackets on the otherside. If some smelly jerk wants to sit there too bad, it's taken. If someone asks me nicely and doesn't stink then I'll take the jackets off and let them sit there.

I totally do that too....and yeah I don't care if it makes me an asshole.
It's for my friend, and he hasn't showed up yet.

Tough shit. :p

(although if it is like opening night or something, I will generally not do it).

-D

I'm all stressed out about work, can't sleep, this really made me laugh. Thanks man, I needed that. :D

And I guess, based on the criteria of this thread, for once I'm NOT an asshole. :)

though I don't do most of that stuff, I already know I'm an asshole. :p