Handyman Urge - a Plumbing Story
 

I changed the downstairs toilet.

after months of my wife pushing me - i thought i'd better do it thursday night after my son's tae kwon do ... so 10:00 at night i start - (breaking the then unknown to me rule - you never start a plumbing project at night or on a sunday)

everything is going well ...i turn off the water intake, i shop-vac all the old water, unscrew the water intake line .. then the fun begins.

immediately it becomes apparent that the shutoff valve isnt gling to close completely so a steady trickle of water keeps coming out of the pipe. not enough to warrent shutting off the master valve - but enough so that i have to put a jar down to catch it.

so next i unbolt the old shitter. (it comes apart in 2 pieces)

During this - because of the awkward upside down angle i need to get one of the bolts ... the vice grips clamp down and lock on the fleshy skin on my palm.
holy fuck that hurt. and i cant get it off because if i pull it it'll rip off a chunk of my hand ... but the only way to get it off is to unlock it by squeezing it harder.

so this is where the swearing started.

it didnt stop until 2AM

turns out that the flange (the base the toilet gets bolted to) is not only destroyed by the person who put the toilet in first - so the bolts wont stand up anymore - but it's also too deep because a tile floor was built up around it after the fact.


still with me folks ? :)


i had to fuck around and macgyver something to hold the bolts in place - but because they kept falling over they were gouging the wax seal all to hell.
This becomes important shortly.

So after 12 tries or so i finally get the bolts to catch, put the second part of the toilet on .. and turn the water back on.

then the test flush .. worked beautifully !!

except for the fucking flood of water shooting out the sides of the fucking toilet !!@#%@&

turn it all back off, clean up the water ... go to bed in a very foul mood.

i also realize i'm gonna have to parade my wife and kids around the front of the house the next morning so the neighbours will know that they are alive and there wasnt a bloody massacre in the night.

go to work the next morning to finish off a couple of things, then leave about 10:00. i spoke with my contractor buddy and he told me i needed a flange extension. I also got a flexible hose because the pipe to the toilet wasnt reaching very naturally.

also bought a new wax seal and a set of Husky deep sockets so i wouldnt have to deal with that tretcherous vice grip again.

Oh, i forgot .. the reason this became an issue is that my wife was having 10 people over from work that night (last night) and i dont think the neighbours would appreciate them all pissing in the back yard.

anyway - this time it went in - flushes - no floods. I leaned a lot - but what a bastard of a job.

....you know things are going wrong when you cut yourself - twice - shopping for the parts.

I know how you feel. I used to work maintenance for an apartment complex, and I've changed my share of toilets.

I hate plumbing projects.:mad:

and don't get me started on "plumbers crack"

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumb_1...71408E1op4.jpg

So should i call Urge if i have a plumbing problem??
It will be like the Ghostbusters song..hehe:D

oh god ... that one is too easy ..

don't give me a line like than and expect anything other than a terribly innapropriate response :D

Great story, though!

I deserve it..i missed that one:D

HaHa...She definitely left herself wide open for that one :D



Oh DEAR GOD...WAIT!!!

Don't respond to this...Just don't respond

:D

anyway - the answer is definately : yes :p

Yea, but if you forgot to put the spilltab flange on before the wax seal, that thing will be leaking like crazy in a matter of days.





























:D

the wax seal was a combo - that plastic flair is attached...

more advice from my friend..

rofl...

And how did Daddy look when he finally crawled into bed after finishing winding up the mess? :D

unshaven, bloodshot eyes...messy hair.


pretty much like every day ..

You realise you missed a great chance! And with Romero and his cam crew around, no less!!

Shoulda invited Romero and his cam crew to film the entire event, and it would have been one of the best award-winning shorts of all time!! :D

Well if it was a tanned crack, I guess it wouldn't be a big deal. Looking on the bright side......one crack at a time. :)

i promise ... i have no plumbers crack.

amazing how horrible it looks on a man, but how damn good it looks on a girl.

Same thing with high heels.

very very true..

So if you were to have a plumbers crack,while wearing heels..that would be good???:p

No, if you were to have plumber's crack while wearing heels it would be good.

I was hoping to see you and Urge with the crack and heels;) :p

Hmmm... I'd be down. Just for you. ;)

Thats my man,he does whatever i ask;)
So,Urge are you in??:p

Please don't make me do anything to Urge... :(

Nah,i just want pics so when Rayne makes the guys of HDC calendar we can use them:p

Can I make a calendar with just you? ;)

no ! Gross..

i only wear heels on friday nights

4 ;)



......................

Can i ask what you are counting Rayne??:)