Some light humour...
 

I have a load of jokes i want to share with you all,some maybe considered bad taste ......but what the hell.

4 German midgets on the town meet a 6ft blonde.They put springs on there hands and feet and give her the best shag shes ever had........Four sprung Dwarf Technique!

Mr Cadbury met Mrs Rowntree in a room on quality street.It was after eight.He turned out the light for a bit of black magic! and slipped his hand into her Snickers and showed his CurlyWurly.Not keen on having Jelly Babies she let him take a trip up Bournville Boulevard.She screemed with Turkish Delight!as he took out his fun sized Mars Bar , it felt a bit Crunchie and she wanted some Time Out but he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Pink Wafers!.

Two black Rastas mums on a bus. One says is ya babie teevin yet? The other replies "yes so far hes got me 2 DVD Players , a mobile phone , and a laptop...."

1 can of petrol-£5.50
2 gas cylinders-£40
1 4x4 -£5500
1 box of matches £0.20
Watchin two Pakies burning alive........Priceless....................For everything you want ...........theres Mastercard.

Hope you enjoyed my jokes... sorry if you didnt.:D

BOO HISSS




Don't quit your day job.

:D

LOL.......Thankyou your too kind. HEHEHEHE.:D

brilliant. wouldn't use them in public but extremely funny.

I didn't get any of them?? :confused:

HAHAHA... i think they are British humour. Thanks anyway.:)

Thanks mate:)

yeah i definetly didnt understand any of them...

light humour as in not very funny?

It puts the funny in the joke or it gets the hose again!

Anyone else got any jokes? Maybe some American jokes.........Common lets hear some funnies.:D

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine" he told her.
She asked," how long will it be before I can have a normal sex life doctor?"
The surgeon seemed alarmed.

"What's the matter doctor? I will be alright, won't I?"

He replied," yes, you'll be ok, I just never heard anyone ask that after getting their tonsils out."

@ Scarecrow

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...24523469_1.jpg
:D

...........................................





http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p...bleweedkj3.jpg

I got the "teeving" one, that's it.

HaHa...That was funnier than the 'jokes'

It's like a commercial...

"LIGHT Humor...Now with 99% less funny"...:D

OK MY BAD.
I forget that the good people of the United Kingdoms of Englandland have the BEST SENSE OF HUMOUR IN THE WORLD.........PERIOD.

You Americans do try....I bless you all for trying.

Prove me wrong. Prove to the world how funny Americans could be.;) :D

I got some unfunny ones?? *sound of crickets* :(

The Simpsons.

You can find many jokes in this thread------> http://www.horror.com/forum/showthre...ighlight=drama

I am only teasing you all.... Cant you take a joke;)

LMFAO!

Well, here's one in the theme you've been using. Sorry for any offense this may cause.

Doctor, doctor, what have i got?

I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers,

well, at least i dont have cancer.

here are some religious ones. Once again, sorry for any offence.

1. A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

2. five nuns die in a bus accident. they are at st. georges gates and he says, "Sisters, let me know your sins and you may pass through. Here is a fountain, now dip any part of your body in the fountain that has touch a mans penis and be cleansed.

So, the first woman puts her finger in, the second her hole hand, as the third is about to go, the one behind her says, "Wait, can I gargle the water before Sister Mary puts her arse in it?

3.Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."

St Peter: "Not likely!"

Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."

At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.

St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."

Jesus: "Bugger off!"

Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."

Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.

Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."

God: "Tell him to get lost!"

Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."

God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"

4.St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"

"five nuns die in a bus accident. they are at st. georges gates and he says":

"I'm actually St.Peter, jokes on you!"?

;)

Heres one:

So a guy joins the navy and has to serve on a ship for several months. Only a few weeks in he's already missing sex and cant really find a good place to masturbate in private. He talks to his fellow crew about it, asking how they cope.

They all tell him about a barrel in a quiet part at the bottom of the ship and how theres a hole in it. They tell him that he can have sex with the hole and it will feel pretty much as good as the real thing.

After a week of having sex using the hole in the barrel the man decides to thank the crew for telling him about the barrel. They asked if he had a good time and he replied that it's been a great week and the barrel felt as good as the real thing. They replied:

"Glad to hear you had a good week, because its your turn in the barrel tonight".

LMFAO. Very very funny............#1 the little girl joke is sick BUT vey funny, am still chuckling now.

lol, i like the one about the navy.

Cheers ;)

I agree with scarecrow about the little girl joke. You sort of go "ooh man..." but laugh at the same time.

Everyone dies.









HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was that the punchline to the worlds best joke, but you couldnt be bothered to actually tell the joke? :p

Knock knock.

Who?Me?What?

Doctor Who!

three blondes walk into a bar...
















ouch.

Three blondes walk into a bar...








They each go home with a stranger and pass on their sexual diseases.

It's not always a good thing that blondes are easy...

I saw a homless guy on the corner holding a sign that said: "WILL WORK FOR FOOD".

I gave him a coconut.

How many New York city cops does it take to throw a suspect down a flight of stairs?









None. He fell.

damn that's cold - true, but cold

Yeah, burning people alive because of their race/nationality is fucking hilarious

I knew you'd find it funny....;)