So, this guy at my dad's office died a while ago
 

And he had something like 200 VHS tapes that I am now going to have to convert to DVD. Now, I would normally bemoan having to copy to DVD tapes that have been brought home from work by my dad. But these were not the usual "And this is what happened with the Corps' dams this year" lecture hall noise.
These tapes were late 80's hardcore porn.

Yes, not just regular 80's hardcore porn, LATE 80's hardcore porn. From the looks of them, maybe '88 or '89. Like around the time people were starting to think "hey, all this porn might be hotter if we didn't have these manes on our groins". And there are 200-ish tapes, most with more than one 'movie' on them. Fucking jackpot! (no pun intended)

He also had around 2 computers worth of image files and video files. My dad copied these files to a 60-gig external hard drive. It was amongst these files that I saw folders- FOLDERS- devoted specifically to Asian chicks. I'm sorry this guy died, because we would have gotten along great.


But here's where I hit a bit of a snag. So I go to copy the first tape, Innocent Bi-standers. Given the title, I'm thinking 2 or so girls teaming up on a guy then going at each other. So imagine my surprise when I push play and I see a guy getting fucked in the ass while banging some lady. Sure, nothing wrong with that, I'll still copy it, but it's like being blindfolded and expecting a delicious bite of ribeye steak and instead getting a piece of fried catfish.


EDIT: Great, and now there's a guy sucking another guy's feet. Yeah, feet are okay if they're on a girl, but guys' feet are harry and sweaty and gross.


SECOND EDIT: Oh, man, I was playing some music while the TV is on mute for while it copies. I look back to see what's going on, and I see some guy humping in perfect rhythm to "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You" by Tom Waits. I was just cracking up at that for some reason

This is a very funny post Sam, but it raises a few questions....

Like why your dad ended up with some co-workers porn collection and why he's having you copy them all to DVD.

:confused:

well, my dad didn't end up with them, a different guy did after the guy who owned the porn died. But my dad is the go-to guy for copying things to CD/DVD (I think that's, like, his job, but people go to him for personal stuff, too), so the guy went to my dad. But I'm the only one with a VCR in the house, so I'm the one copying them to DVD. And I guess they're getting copied to DVD because (EDIT: SHIT yeah, girl on girl action in the hot tub! And set to "Closing Time " by Tom Waits via my compy, no less!) DVD is better

Are you or your dad getting paid for this project?

200+ VHS to DVD conversions would take a long fuckin time, so I should hope he's throwing ya some cash for it.

Uh oh....if there's butthumping and foot sucking going on, there could very well be some scheizer footage in there too...beware...

well, we're not paying for the DVDs, and it's free porn, so...no, not getting paid to do it. Unless getting paid in porn counts

I assume you mean Scheisse, and there's a BIG difference between anal sex (no matter what the gender of the recipient is) and foot sucking, and people getting shit on

Do you get to keep all the VHS or something?

hahahaha


That made me think of the South Park episode where Cartman sees his mom in a German scheizer video online.

that was the SP movie, and I don't know if I get to keep the VHS or not.


there are few things more bizzare then watching a guy suck a dick set to Tom Waits music. I'm actually sitting here fascinated at the man on man sex, not because I like watching guys fuck, but because it's just really goddamn bizzare

Well, first you assumed right....and second, if there's a porn spectrum that runs from straight to lesbian to three way pronging with male on male foot sucking then it's not at all improbable that the person whose tapes they originally were liked, ahem, a WIDE range of entertainment....

And honestly, the first thing I thought of was Cartman's mom too:D

the guys sucking feet thing was in a scene with just 2 guys. And yes, I know that it's possible, but not definate, or even necessarily probable. For all I know, this is the "weirdest" (for lack of a better word) tape in the collection, it's not like I've seen any other tapes he has. I mean, for all I know the guy just really liked butt sex. He has enough "best of anal" tapes in the half dozen I've got with me

Of course, nothing's fact until proven. I was just stating a vague but definite possibility.
Now of course, I'm really hoping you run into several SCHEISSE clips.
Human nature's a bitch.

I thought taking a dump on someone was called 'scat'. Is Sheisse the German term for it or are those 2 different things?

I'm not sure, it's probably close to the same thing although I think Scheisse video has a lot more crap EATING than just body poos.....

Scheisse is German, and thus refers to the German porn, which is a lot more...shitty?....than the everyday shit porn. So it doesn't refer to more hardcore shit porn by definition, but it does by etymology

EDIT: tape two: 100% gay porn. Given the titleing method and the production studio, plus the VQ and amount of hair, I'd say mid to late 90's

So this guy at your dad's office.... kind of a freaky guy in his most private of days, I'm guessing...

I guess. Although I know nothing about him, so...

Au contraire.... I'd say you're learning quite a bit about him, albeit somewhat disturbing...





That thing with Cartman's mom in the video wasn't from the movie, was it? I don't recall any singing around that part and I could have sworn that was an episode.

If your talking about the feet part,No.But she did get crapped on.


I wish i had access to that much Porn.:D No offence STE....

I'm talking about where Cartman & friends see his mom in a 'German scheizer video'. Is that from the movie or an episode?

Oh,it's from the movie.:)

I don't know how old he was, I don't know if he was married, dated, anything. For all I know, he was banging a girl who liked seeing guys fuck each other, but he himself didn't want a penis inside him, so he got some gay porn.

hahahaa


All we know is that he had a wide variety of late 80s porn.

Geez! I guess I have to go rewatch that since I'm obviously forgetting parts. I could have sworn that was from an episode.

which shows that he knows what porn to get/keep, because late 80's (pretty much 1986-1990) is the best and hardest stuff to get

It's when they do the La resistance! thing.Just to point you in the right direction.:)

specifically, when they get on the internet to send messages to kids about the La Resistance meeting

Now, it's all starting to come back to me....

The funniest part of that movie is when Saddam sticks his weiner out from under the covers at Satan.

Well its soooo nice to see that the lazy people get allll the goods once again, haha.

Nothing against Asian women or men, but when some of you get it together does your hardcore porn have to be so unsexy?

I've witnessed several Japanese hardcore films, and the women seem to look like they're either in pain or simply do not know how to portray a lady enjoying the cock.

Or maybe they just don't enjoy Japanese wieners, who knows?

:p

You know, I think it's just the way they do it....but I know what you mean.....they take sex pretty seriously and there's not a lot of acting going on in asian porn, unlike american porn where half the time the girl trying to look sexy while getting pounded and making those goofy noises makes me snicker....but then again I laugh at very odd things sometimes.

Special delivery.....for a Mr. STE

http://www2.uiah.fi/hallinto/atk/sta...vering_md_.gif








http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0...CLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

aww, Newb mailed me a fluffer

Would you rather have a Fluffernutter?

http://www.theconservativevoice.com/...6cbd2cebb9.jpg

BANNED! :eek:

no, I'd much rather have the fluffer

Ha yes, they do just tend to hump - and the male expressions are often hilarious.

You're right about American porn - sometimes that is annoying for being quite the opposite: "Yeah give it to me baby, give me that cock, give me all that cock, yeah that's it baby..." - "You like like that? You like that in there?" - "Oh yeah baby woo come on! Now slap those titties...!". Snore.

European gear is by far the best: "Ich kliesen fistich penetrat mein arsenholen? Mein gott! Ja! Ist maximus perven sasquatch! Ja?..."


Ja!

:D

LMAO is the word "sasquatch" really mean anything in German?

I think it's actually a term for 'Bigfoot', but you know what those dirty German bastards are like ;)

Legal disclaimer: Germans are not actually 'dirty'.

Legal disclaimer II: Or bastards.

:eek: