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The "NO DRAMA" thread
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice... "Shit, I missed." |
BOOOOOOOH!!!
GET OFF THE STAGE!! |
Customer Service Call
This is supposed to be actual Dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. I can't believe someone could be this stupid. "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank, it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall! ." "Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer." |
Hmmm...normally I'd be buying a case of St. Paulie Girl tonight, but I think I'm going to get risque and perhaps pick up a bottle of Ketel One...forsooth...
http://www.lib.washington.edu/drama/images/drama4.gif |
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What were you saying about my momma, punk?!!:mad: |
St Paulie Girl is a fine brew. I think i will be starting off my weekend with a couple of Long Trail "Hibernator"s. A nice malty brew.
http://www.longtrail.com/ewebeditpro...hibernator.jpg Then off to the local night-spot to see my friends band.[ a blues/rock mix ] |
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Nooooooooo! http://members.aol.com/zaku2ms06/donotwant.jpg |
I've never tried the Hibernator before. Where is it from?
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I am so not sober!! the above posted by Newb was so funny to me.
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On a tour of Alaska, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
mountains for some sight seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" T-shirt and a Tree Hugger Hat, was struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly. As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 338 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear. Then using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear to death and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that that is not true." As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy ?" "It was the Pope," another replied, "he's in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom" "Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting..............is the bait holding up okay or do we need to go back into town and grab another one?" |
This is how the tyrannosaurus scene in King Kong originally played out before they changed it:
******************************** TREX: I'm sorry but you look just like a little olive to me. ANN: Noooooooo! Noooooooooo!!!! TREX (bending down to grab her): Oh this is gonna be good. Oh yeah! ANN: Oh my God, oh my God!! KONG: Hey! What are you doing?? GIMME that! (KONG GRABS ANN AND EATS HER REALLY QUICK.) KONG: Womp! Mmmmph, mmmph, glgmmmmph, munch munch. Mmmm, hey that was good. TREX: You ruined my day. You suck. KONG: Ahhhh, shaddup. TREX: Oh all right. |
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Ahem...
There once was a man from Nantucket whose penis was shaped like a bucket His gal liked his dick but they broke up real quick cuz she tried but she just couldn't suck it |
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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...girl-small.jpg |
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Real or Fake
This is a boob test....the link WILL show you boobies....if you are too sensitive to see a womans breast.....don't click. Its also a pretty easy test....i scored 19 out of 20. http://transload.net/~zaphod/text/silicon.html |
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yes this is an actual phone conversation...the customer services person got the sack for it. This happened about 7 years ago .. GO THE AUSSIES !!!! fucking funny . Theres another one ..customer service Rheem hot water cylinders. track that down...thats fucking hilarious too. |
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an oldie but goldie.
There was a Priest and a Nun crossing the desert on a camel one day when a terrible sand storm came. It lasted for 6 hours and when it finally cleared they were horrified to see their camel was dead. They had no food or water and the situation looked hopelss. The Priest turned to the Nun and said "Sister, seeing as we are going to die out here, can you grant me one wish?" The Nun said "Yes Father, what is your final wish?" "In all my years in the church I’ve never seen a pair of breasts before." said the Priest. The Nun was a bit shocked but lifted her robes to show off her tits in all their glory. The Priest smiled and said "Thankyou Sister." Then the Nun turned to the Priest and said "Father, in all my years in the church I have never seen a man’s ’thingy’ before. Is it alright for you to show me?" The priest happily agreed and got his junk out. The Nun studied it intensly. The Priest had his eyes closed and was rising to attention as the Nun touched it with fascination. The Priest said with a smile on his face, "Sister, do you know that when it’s placed in certain ’areas’ it can give life?" And the Nun looked and at him and said "WELL STICK IT UP THIS CAMELS ARSE AND LETS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!" |
hand job.
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sighn above the bar that reads.. ham sandwich’s $2 chicken sandwich’s $3 hand jobs $4 so the man walks up to the hot woman with big tits behind the bar and ask’s excuse me are you the one who does the hand jobs? she smiles at him and sais yes the man then replies can you wash your hands i would like a ham sandwich. |
two vampires....
Two vampires walk into a bar. The bartender asks what will u be having tonight? One vampire says warm blood and the other says water. The bartender asks "why dont you want blood 2night sir? And the vampire pulls out a tampon and replyd Im makin tea. |
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hahahahahahahahahaha!!! |
making love.
Doctor: Do you watch your husbands face while making love? Lady: I did once & saw anger. Doctor: why? Lady: Because he was watching from the window |
this is a good one.
dildo dilemma: A man and women are happily married, but the only problem is when ever they have a root, he turns off the lights,the miss’s has no problem with it until now, being sick of her husbands habit, she decide’s during sex to turn on the light, to her shock her husband has a dildo in his hand, "you impotent bastard" so thats how you’ve fuck me all these years, "well hurry up explain yourself you fucking asshole". ok replies the husband "i will explain about the dildo if you can explain our three fucking kids." |
big ass grill.
there was a women and her husband pulling weeds in the garden he looks up and says damn honey your ass is as big as my new grill ,yes honey it is,the women just looked up and smiled,later that night he felt a lil frisky she looked at him and said if you think im gonna fire this big ass up for one lil wieney your crazy!!!!!!ha ha |
one more then i'll shut up.
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ’the prison’ and call my private thing ’the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, He yells at her, "Damn, its not a life sentence bitch,OKAY!" |
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http://image.blog.livedoor.jp/aprico...f/5f152e65.jpg ^^ That photo is pure fuckin' art! |
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repent i say..steinlager for life.. |
Steinlager is overated. It costs heaps and tastes like shit. VB on the other hand is cheap, good strong taste and gets you WAY more fucked up.
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I like Steinlager. Haven't had one forever, though. When I lived in Seattle I had access to all kinds of fine brews. In this horrid small midwestern town I'm currently in, I'm pretty much limited to St. Paulie Girl, Becks & Grolsch. I haven't had a decent Hefeweizen in ages, which hurts my feelings.
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too many of newbs postings to quote
so em just gonna say this YOU SLUSH..!!lol |
Found a beer I hadn't had in about three years at a grocery! They usually only come in 4packs, but the ABV is astoundingly high! Very thick, kind of syrupy.
Old Rasputin http://www.bier1.de/images/Old%20Rasputin.JPG |
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