OH MY GOTH!!!...You Guys Better Seek Professional Help...Immediately!
 

This was a REAL bulletin listed at some Baptist website...I mean it, Guys...They are SERIOUS...This is NOT a joke...Well...I mean, to THEM, it isn't a joke...But, we think it's fucking HILARIOUS...
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If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord:

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays video games that contain violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
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So...Confess...How many of YOU have discovered that you are 'Goths'?....Come on...Admit it...You KNOW you gotta have that Count Chocula cereal....CONFESS, DAMMIT!.....LOL:rolleyes: :p :D

~Grabs the Torch and Pitchfork~

Time for an old fashioned witch hunt.....:D

Re: OH MY GOTH!!!...You Guys Better Seek Professional Help...Immediately!
 

I like how they say "imagined world." As if their world of holiness isn't all in their heads. :rolleyes:

Yep, that pretty much covers it all.

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I counted 32 of those are applicable to me... I'm not a goth though.

Come on, it has to be a joke.... it just has to be! :p

If you go by that ALL teens are goth!! Give me a fucking break!! I can say yes to 80% of that . Wonder what that makes me??

Re: OH MY GOTH!!!...You Guys Better Seek Professional Help...Immediately!
 

Ooohhhhh! So when I was younger and my parents wanted to get me out of their hair...it wasn't because I was getting on their nerves, or they had a tough day at work...

they were conjuring evil spirits!!!!

I gotta have a word with those bastards!

Re: Re: OH MY GOTH!!!...You Guys Better Seek Professional Help...Immediately!
 

hahah very true, Hap. :D

Holier than thou mother speaking to holier than thou father

Oh dear god! Where have we gone wrong...I mean, everyone told me that the teen years would be difficult. But...but, our child is a no-good Count Chocula addict. WHY!!???????? WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY!! *sobs incessantly*


http://theimaginaryworld.com/box712.jpg

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Damn that count chocula and his deliciously tempting devil cereal :D

Re: ...
 

hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahah!!!!!!!


It's da debil!!!!
http://www.cineclub.de/images/waterboy3.jpg

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My friends mom is just like that, mega christian mom. She wouldn't let him see the sixth sense because she said the whole idea of ghosts walking around down here instead of in heaven was ridiculous.

Re: ...
 

where i find both to be equally rediculous :)

Re: ...
 

These people annoy the phuck outta me! It's a god damn movie, people! Enter fucking tainment!

Guess what???? flying monkeys and talking lions are ridiculous too!

err, wait...maybe not...but STILL!

And you KNOW that Star Wars is evil shit, too.....All that stuff about space travel, stars, planets, other lifeforms, and all that other 20th Century nonsense...lol

i like Captain Crunch a lot more ... if only it didnt tear the shit out of the roof of your mouth.


its like some tribal rite of passage for children.

the captain crunch bloody mouth test.

hah a cornflake stuck in the roof of my mouth once, damn that hurt.

silly rabbit, cornflakes are for kids !

captain crunch is for the toughassed kid.

although - harvest nature crunch .. the one with the maple clusters .. thats just a crap shoot .. i'm gonna but a tooth on one of those some day.

roflmfao.

Doritos are no joke either. Those pointy fucking things hurt!

But it feels soooooo good...

thats so funny... but are you suprised??? I mean... seriously! people are f.cked up! (for example: more than one guy actually voted for Bush!).. Dont bother to care...

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pssht what's more hardcore then a cereal that goes through the roof of your mouth like a razor blade? :p

cheesey doritos and salsa dips are awesome

Re: ...
 

A cereal that has a razor blade as the prize inside the box.

(Goths collect those, ya know).

lemme see ...

-Frequently wears black clothing.

the odd t-shirt ... they are slimming

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

does my Hansen t-shirt count ?

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

not where you can see it

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

i have the actual cross and JC's bones on a pendant .. heavy as hell.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

im interested if they are on a girls belly button.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

i dont need music to do that but yeah .. REO Speedwagon.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

i'm speaking with you freaks at Horror arent i ?

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

i lost interest in naked wrestling with father neilson at our church. does that count ?

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

i had satan over for stir fry just the other nite. vampires are funny.

-Takes drugs.

only for a headache

-Drinks alcohol.

only to get a headache

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

homocidal - yes, suicidal - no

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

i cut my nails .. i let a hairdresser cut my hair. A doctor circumsized me but i had no say in that. then there was the umbilico cord thing.

-Complains of boredom.

i'm bored of this long fucking quiz already

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

oh yeah .. 5 hours is demonic

-Is excessively awake during the night.

i thought we werent supposed to sleep .. what the fuck make up your minds !

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

yeah .. dam your sun, god ! i hate vegetables too !

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

what, am i gonna whack off in public ?

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

you're repeating yourself

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

no, i'm whacking off .. pay attention FUCK !

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

if i even see my mom at our after school gangbang there is no way i'm getting wood.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.

what ??

-Misbehaves at school.

constantly ... filling out these things when i was supposed to be colouring.

-Misbehaves at home.

every fucking chance i get

-Eats excessively or too little.

yeah .. both

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

only with 2% goatsblood poured over it.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

blood should only be injected straight into a vein .. to bypass the ingestion/digestion stages.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

i dont watch tv ! i'm not a goth ! i'm not a goth !
oh exept for that all night goth station...

-Plays video games that contain violence or role-playing nature.

wouldnt dream of it. frag.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

i cant remember the last time i was even near a computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

sure, i have parkinsons and that makes me a goth

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

never ... ok, only when i dance.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

an interest ? well thats putting it fucking mildly

-Masturbates


uhhhhh ughhhhnnnn ughhhhnnnnnn !!!! ohhh yeahh oh yeahh !!! wooo hoooo. i need a kleenex. what was the question ?

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

i would be - if i wasnt straight.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

and christianity..

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

so lets see .. wearing a sticker that says 'i'm a goth' is a clue to one's being a goth ? wow who'd a thunk ?

-Claims to be a goth.

i claim to be a sloth




so kids, the jury is out ...

am i a goth ?

i don't know at least one person that atleast 5 of those don't apply, i mean, priests (most) wear black mostly

lmfao! So I'm a goth now, eh? lmao there are only a few that almost everyone in my school doesn't do hah hah!

I counted 19 that aply to me, Lmao

Good point about Priests wearing black though, Jay....


Muhahahaha!! Itz the priest that will kill us all:rolleyes:

This has to be the most ignorant list the church has made so far. Who writes this shit? So I'm asking my good friend Satan to blow the fuck outah that damn building and to give them all scabies and the clap. I feel like running out and looking for little Christian kids and turning them all Goth just to piss off those stupid bible thumping assholes off, but then I wont even need to because 99% of all people on earth are Goth by that stupid ass list. Even my mom and she's Christian, but she spends lots of time alone since my dad died. Guess my moms cooler than I thought. Way to go Goth Mom I love you.

Wait Dads Goth too he sleeps forever in a coffin now. I love you Goth dad.

Keep the laughter coming Rayne that's some funny shit.

Lets write that church a list called `You might be a Nazi if`

hah hah Vamp, I got 20 lol

nope, not me! then again.. im not a teenage anymore!! HHAHH!!

:D thats a funni list but hey thats they belief!? theres stranger ou there...

:D lol

Re: ...
 

salt and vinegar chips.. thats the exact cause of my herpes scare a couple days ago!

not only the cutting... but the salt and vinegar irritated it! is it herpes or is it chips?? LOOKOUT!!!!!!!!!

29 lol

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.



ok thats gay you mean to tell me 5- year old a cross the street who loves CC is a goth?

Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism


ok that really pisses me off.. Buddhism is about peace and living a non violent life, nothing about evil... this proves this is the kind of church i hate, cristians who think any one not one of them is the devil. god i hate them.... whats Scientology:confused:

you have a computer .. you have the net .. google it !

don't judge me!

*runs aways crying* lol

??? just advice .... you're sitting in front of the most powerful tool on the planet .... one quick google will educate you ..

These are the ones that apply to me...

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.


-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays video games that contain violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates






soo...yeah. Im probably the most stereotypically preppy person...umm yeah.

Re: OH MY GOTH!!!...You Guys Better Seek Professional Help...Immediately!
 

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
i would only care if it was my son who did this. i would beat him stupid, thats if the other kids didn't beat me too it.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

weird they should say that the reverse cross is evil..because if this makes one a goth that must mean the pope is goth, have a look at the top of his "throne/chair" w/e. but then again its mainly a catholic religious symbol. but then again these people are baptist who think everything catholic is evil..


-Watches cable television
that shit will rot anyones brain ,doesn't matter if they are teenage goth wanna bes or not

-

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
thats not goth, thats just mental illness.

But then again, There's teenagers out there with better language skills than you are displaying.......How do we know you're not hiding behind anonymity rather than just someone who we like to think of as just a lil "slow"....