|
after whats been going on, i suggest a comic relief hehehe.. so lets exchange JOKES
hey guys i suggest a bit of laughs at times like this... hope i get a lot of replies .. cause i just love jokes...
lets see what should we start with..... hmmmm An old couple have been married for 75 years.. The media wants to interview them for being happily married for that many years. So they question the husband... "what is the secret to your long marriage?"... he says, "because i can communicate with god.". the reporter shocked by this remark, asks, "you have to be joking?".... the old man replies, "no i swear infact when ever i go to the toilet, he opens the light for me".. the reporter disturbed by this, goes to the old man's wife and tells her that her husband has gone mad due to old age..... "he is saying that god turns the light for him whenever he goes to the toilet"... at this the wife screams and says, "omg he has been pissing in the refrigerator again"... hehehehehehehehe:D .. hope you ppl liked it... lets see who has the funniest one so we can have a poll ...:) |
Here's one that's a little more MY style...Some of you will recognize it...
The little boy and the serial killer walk into the woods at night...The little boy is holding his hand and he looks up into the serial killer's face...Shivering from cold and fright, he says "Please mister...I am so scared in these deep, dark woods, I can't see a thing...I'm cold and hungry and lost and I really want my mommy...Please mister...I'm really, REALLY SCARED..." and the little boy is crying profusely, so the serial killer looks down at him and says "Shutup and stop whining...How the hell do you think I feel?? I have to walk back out of these deep, dark, scary woods...ALL BY MYSELF!!!"... Now, wasn't that funny... :D |
Good ones, bloodrayne and hash23.
A woman is driving by herself, at night, in the rain. An announcement comes on the radio that there is an escaped lunatic in the area... a serial killer, of course, with a hook for a hand. Of course, she blows a tire. She gets out to change it in the rain and before she has the spare back on knocks all the lug nuts into the ditch, which is filled with running water. Then the serial killer steps out from the woods. She jumps up and screams "What the f*&k do I do now?" The serial killer runs right up to her and says "Why don't you take one lug nut each from the other three wheels to hold the spare on?" It gets good laughs around a campfire... don't know how well it will work here. |
hehehehehehe
that was funny mictlan.. good one,...
k bloodrayne heres one your type.... candyman walks into a bar .. now jason notices that this new guy has a hook on his hand and a patch on his eye.. so jason walks upto candyman and asks him wat happend man... he goes these guys cut my hand, so now i have to wear this hook.. then jason asks about his eye patch... so candyman says a pigeon doo doo got in my eye..... now jason says, pigeon doo doo, why you wearing a patch just clean it with your fingers........ so candyman says... i did but unfortunately it was my first day with the hook... hahahahahahahahha (hey guys remember that this is a just a joke, cause i cant remember if candyman wore a patch or not.... so llets just pretend .. he did k..) |
This one's my fave:D
A man who has just gotten out of court,after a nasty debate with his EX wife...Suddenly trips and falls flat on his face, when he looks to see what he tripped on, he sees a shiny lamp...when he picks it up a genie pops out, and says..." I AM THE GENIE OF THIS SACRED LAMP, I WILL GRANT YOU 3 WISHES, But, THERE IS A CATCH....WHAT EVER YOU WISH FOR YOUR EX WIFE GETS DOUBLE" The man says right away" I want a tricked out red camaro"..... "GRANTED, NOW YOU HAVE A RED CAMARO AND YOUR EX HAS TWO OF THEM" "hmmm second wish...ooh i've always wanted a giant mansion! "..... "GRANTED, NOW YOU HAVE A GIANT MANSION AND YOUR EX HAS 2!"......." oh man i'm on my last wish already?" *he sits and thinks* "ok i know EXACTLY what i want for my last wish....genie...........beat me HALF to death" I L:DVE that one! :cool: :D :cool: |
ok i've got one!!!!! or two!
ok a duck walks into a bar! yeup thats it cause the bell is gonna ring! im obviously in school! i will write them later!
|
so a cowboy rides his horse up to the saloon, dismounts, and says hi to the other cowboys that hang out in front of the saloon. then he walks behind the horse, lifts its tail, and kisses it on the ass.
he walks back up to the cowboys in front of the saloon and one of them says "what the hell did you do that for?" the cowboy says "well, my lips are chapped." "does horseshit fix chapped lips?" "no, but it sure keeps me from licking them." |
hahahahahha
man that a good one....
a kid walks up to his dad and asks what is the meaning of potentially and reality.. the dad goes its easy go up to your mom and ask her if she would sleep with richard gere for a million dollars and go up to your sis and ask her if for a million dollar she would sleep with brad pitt... so he goes and both say yes.... so the dad asks the son what is the meanin of potentially and reality.. so he says potentially we r sitting on two million bucks,.. and in reality we are living with a couple of whores... hahahahahahah:D |
Re: ok i've got one!!!!! or two!
Quote:
It's funny brcause ducks have bills! But bill could also mean, y'know, like a tab! Its a hilariious play on words! |
Okay. Here are two of my favorites, starting with a quick Q&A joke:
#1: Q. What did God say when he saw Eve skinny dipping in the ocean? A. "Great! I'll never get that smell out of this fish." #2: A man and his sexy, blonde, big-breasted wife are playing a round of golf near a very expensive neighborhood. The sexy wife steps up to the tee and smacks the ball directly through a large window in an expensive home. The man and his wife reluctantly walk over to apologize. When they arrive, they open the door to see the broken window, a broken vase and an elderly naked man. "Who are you?" said the couple. "I am the genie of that lamp that you've broken. I've been imprisoned for centuries and you've let me free. To show my gratitude, I will give one wish to you and your wife, so long as you allow me to have the third and final wish." says the genie. In awe, the man and wife readily agree. "I want a bank account that allways has a million dollars in it, no matter how much money I take out!" says the man. "Done!" says the genie. "Check your account tomorrow and it shall be yours." "I'd like many vacation homes all around the world, each filled with luxurious furniture, and servants. Lots of servants!" said the sexy wife. "Done!" says the genie. "When you return home tonight, you will find sets of keys, each leading to a new location." The couple, extatic at their new prizes smile largely and ask "what is it that you want genie?" "I've been trapped in that bottle for centuries upon centuries. I want only one hour with your wife, upstairs in the bedroom." says the genie. The couple stare at each other strangely, but agree that after all the genie has done for them, they owe him this much. So, the sexy lady takes the genie's hand and he leads her upstairs for wild, animalistic sex. An hour passes, and the genie and sexy naked wife are laying in the ed, staring at the ceiling. She and he are both exhausted and breathing heavily due to the sex. The genie leans over and asks the young woman "You look younger than you're husband. How old are the two of you?" "Well," she says "my husband is 35, but I'm only 24." "Geez," says the genie "35 and 24 and you both still believe in genies?" Both are dirty and that's why I like them! |
| All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:00 AM. |