Alright I know this one isn't light, but it is really cute.

The Kitchen Bitch

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5
-year-old son
playing with his new electric train in the living
room. She heard the train stop and her son saying,
"All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell
off now... because this is the last stop! And all of
you sons of bitches, who are getting on, get your
asses on the train...because
we're going down the tracks.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We
don't use that kind
of language in this house.

Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay
there for TWO
HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your
train...but I want you to use nice language." Two
hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and
resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped
and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers
please remember your things, thank you and hope your
trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us
again soon." She heard her little darling
continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember,
there is no
smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant
and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For
those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR
delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen...."

Yeah i like that one.:D

lol. Quite funny.

René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears.

-

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their nuts!

Luciano Pavarotti had a custom made hearse its a .......................














































Nissan Dorma.:D

Dogs suck.......er.....lick.








Cats can die 8 times and still be alive.But,then theyll get bored and finally jump off that tall building.

my signature is a little joke. Read it.

A trainee Undertaker gets told its time for him to prepare his first body. So he's downstairs washing her down.
Anyway 5 mins later he comes up saying " She has a Prawn stuck between her legs " puzzled the boss went down to see what he was on about.

" Thats not a Prawn you idiot , its her clitoris "
" Oh " said the trainee " Well it tastes like Prawn "

:D

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette aid, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started Clapping.



A blonde buys a handgun at a local pawn shop because she thinks her husband is cheating on her. When she gets home, she finds her husband in bed with a woman.
The Blonde grabs the gun out of her purse, loads it and points it at her own head.

Her husband seeing this starts screaming at her not to Shoot.

The blonde replies "Shut up stupid! You're next



A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, They called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars, because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."
Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the Sun."

The people from NASA replied, "Why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you Guys dumb? I'd go at night!"



The blonde was broke and desperate. She knocked on the door of a doctor's house and said she needed money and would be willing to work for it. The doctor asked if she would be willing to paint his porch. He would give her $50 to do it.

The blonde said that would be fine. The doctor's wife said the blonde must be really dumb to do such a big job for only $50. "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way? Around the house?" the wife asked. "I guess so," the doctor told his wife. A few minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. "All done," she said, "and by the way, it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

Blondes are silly..