It sounds delightful. Ive heard of people wearing it in a pendant etc. How's your son doing these days?

I also like incense.

And I know I am hard on myself but from my standpoint it's difficult because when I was 9 years old and my father died my mother moved me and her from St Louis to South West Virginia away from all of my friends into an area where I didn't know anyone and no one knew me therefore I was an outsider and that stuck with me my entire School career or whatever you want to call it and I never had a social life. All of my friends were going out on dates with women but I couldn't get a date to save my life because everyone knew I wasn't from there and that's why everyone treated me differently and bullied and tormented me every single day. I basically graduated a shell of a person not even really knowing myself and ever since then I have just been trying to get by while being a very lonely person. I was in love once and there was a time when she loved me but we began to drift apart and due to other things Beyond My Control she started thinking I was having an affair so she cheated on me and that's how that ended so it's really fucked me up. It's hard to have a good self-esteem or confidence when everytime I try to do something for myself it blows up in my face thus creating more negativity or pain or stress, but never anything positive to make me feel good about myself. Since I have been in Las Vegas I have tried making friends but the people I have tried making friends with have all been thieves and the times I have tried asking women out I get that generic lying about how I am a great guy that any woman would be lucky to have but not her because women seem to only care about looks And that is very frustrating for someone like me who has never been able to just skip through life never having to worry about how to value a woman or take care of them like most pretty boys do which is why women usually dump them after they fuck them a few times and wine and bitch to all their friends about how they can't find a good guy. Wait a minute who do this kind of thing are so two-dimensional and most of them can't think for themselves and that is not the woman I want. I want someone who is intelligent and can hold a conversation. I know there are good women out there I just don't understand why they are so hard to find and why so many women hold so much against my appearance or my eyesight but yet can come to me and talk to me about anything or tell me I'm a wonderful guy. I'm tired of everyone taking everything for granted or just using people for whatever they can get out of them and tossing them away.

a few nights ago I had this dumb bitch I met on Plenty of Fish invite me to come sing karaoke with her at a bar and so I spent an hour-and-a-half on the buses to get there only for her to tell me five minutes afterwards that she is leaving. She knew what I looked like but she insisted on doing that to me anyway and for what? I want to know why the only women I can attract are such absolute garbage excuses for human beings.

My smudging pot with white sage. ::love::

https://78.media.tumblr.com/e6833220...cu3po1_500.jpg


OooOoOO I'm interested in this Dragons blood https://78.media.tumblr.com/1e400f0f...426o1_75sq.gif

Honestly I think you're being too hard on women. Not all women are that shallow.

Maybe I am, But I do know not all women are that shallow or superficial. It just seems nearly impossible to find them. I am in a big city though with lots of people and places to meet them and I have only been here since May. I have recently started therapy so I am trying to work out my issues there because I know I have them and I think a lot of them come from my ex-girlfriend and what she did to me.

I understand and I often feel the same way about men at times. I've never dated or had a boyfriend but I think it really comes from my autism and low self esteem and the fact that I am so socially awkward.

If you are like me, you are your biggest critic and probably way too hard on yourself. I know I am and I know this whole way I view reality is Warped from the way it actually is. I was deprived of a social life mainly as a child because I was moved to a new area where I was seen as an outsider but when I lived in St Louis I had friends. My father had a very nice job working for Boeing inspecting fighter jets as he was a former Navy pilot. He was a very bad man and did a lot of really bad things to people though, including my mother which I can never forgive him for. His death made her go crazy and she drunk herself to death and died in 2013. I have a lot of baggage, I know. That's why I can say that I like my therapist so far because she seems like she is actually listening to me and talking to me like two friends hanging out rather than a medical professional trying to come off as a medical professional. I have noticed that the nicer people on the west coast seem to be a lot more open-minded and friendly and just have a more comfortable around them then the usual people in the east and south.

Yeah you're absolutely right. I'm always way too hard on myself because I'm a perfectionist.

And to be honest the reason I've been acting so irrational lately is because of the fact that we are moving and I don't handle any kind of change well. But I just need to do the best I can and not get too manic over it. Being back in Georgia for two weeks really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Right on Dbeat! Here go mine...

I'm totally fine with moving because I have done it so much but doing it on my own for the first time like this has been a little nerve-wracking for me, especially since I didn't have my medicine until just last week. Before that I was having a lot of bad manic episodes and coming here and ranting a lot and I guess in a way, the things my ex-girlfriend did to me keeps playing itself over and over in my head which has given me a warped false sense of what women are really looking for in a guy and with my lack of social skills and never really being given the chance to build confidence or self-esteem without it being immediately destroyed, I feel like there is absolutely no hope for someone like me. I have always hated being alone and at one time it was my biggest fear. I have been abandoned or tossed away by so many people I have relied on like my mother and father or my ex-girlfriend Angela, who in the beginning everything was great with but over time we drifted apart but we're too stubborn and stupid to realize we weren't right for each other. In the end she cheated on me and got pregnant because someone told her I cheated on her when I really didn't. The whole situation really fucked me up and I could go into so many more reasons why it fuck me up rather than just the fact that she cheated on me, but I don't want to get anyone to excited. I mean we aren't the Onamia club after all even though some people think otherwise.