In your dreams.

So this soccer ball rolls into a bar, right?




And the bartender kicked him out!

kinda cute...made me smile

but on a serious note: The discrimination of soccer balls in certain regions is nothing to laugh at.

That's true. Joking about it only undermines the real issue.

Scarecrows, on the other hand:

Why did the scarecrow get a Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field!

Get it?!

I did lol at that :)

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, John! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says John. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says "Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" John's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, John."

A woman walks into the vet's office clutching her pet duck. She takes it to the doctor and says "My...my duck, it's neck's gone all floppy! What's wrong with it?"

He takes a good look then speaks solemnly to her - "I'm...I'm sorry, but your duck is dead."

She stumbles in disbelief, shaking her head. "No...no I can't accept that. I need a second opinion!" So the vet sighs and whistles. His pet Labrador runs in, jumps up to the table, sniffs the duck and shakes it head.
"You see?" Says the vet.
"No...no I still can't accept it. Another opinion, and then I'll believe you."

So the vet sighs once more and clicks his tongue. A small cat runs in from the other room and jumps onto the table. It looks the duck up and down, turns to the woman and shakes its head.

"Okay...okay, I accept it. My duck is dead," she sniffs. "How much do I owe you?"
"£150" Replies the vet.
Absolutely appalled, the woman - aghast - begins to complain.

"Well," replies the vet, "I was only going to charge 10, but then you made me go and get the lab report and a cat scan!"

boo hisss