Dear IA,

I'm a huge Oakland Raiders fan. I've recently grown a beard, and some jerk keeps telling me I look like Jake Plummer. I'd kill him, but he's by bartender. What should I do?

-Anger Rising

I read somewhere that most dogs eat poop at some point. There's a lot of dogs in the world, millions and millions! Isn't that too many, if most or all of them eat poop? Can anything be done about this????

Try telling him that you're going for more of a "Bob Brown" look, the Raiders Hall of Fame OT from 71'. Granted, Brown didn't have a beard. But the bartender probably won't know who you're talking about anyway, so you can play it off.

Millions of dogs poop more than once a day (on average), so there's plenty of poop to go around for other dogs. If you're question is "what do we do to stop them", my answer would be nothing. Its obviously a gross genetic makeup found in all dogs, and it would take too long to change. Just be happy most dogs are cute.

Dear IA,
I was told by someone to stop my addiction to cigarettes and start drinking, heavily. I have a problem with this though. I don't have any alcohol. I am still stuck here with two babies and have no vehicle, what should I do?
High and Dry(lol you don't know how true that is)

Dear I.A.-

My "friends" are trying to convince me that a banana would be a faithful sex companion. Is this true?

Hmm, a follow up.

Well, there is always self-restraint... but this is America.... Alright, idle hands are the Devil's something-or-other, so I would suggest occupying yourself with something. Start writing a short story, or make a costume for one of your babies so the other gets jealous.

Only til' it rots.

Dear I.A.

The banana has rotted. What do I do now?

-Confused Fruit Abuser

take it from a females perspective ..
'soz IA'..
carrot...you can never go wrong..
but i have a ques for you ..
what are you doing trying to sex it with a
banana??You don't have the facility to accomodate..
and leave the poor fruit alone ..LOL.

Dear IA..
em too perfect..
my teeth are perfect
my hair is perfect..
my complexion and manner is perfect..
Just downright 'PREFECT'
But...i have one little flaw..
my feet are crooked.
How can i get perfect feet .??