Signs you're a Redneck Jedi:


-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

-Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

-You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

-At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

-You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

-You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

-You has ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have
to wait for a commercial.

-You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

-Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark
side...it'll be a hoot."

-You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to
get the barbecue grill to light up.

-You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

-You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

-You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

-Although you had to kill him, you kind of thought that Jabba the Hutt had a
pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

-You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

-You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

-You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

-If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

This is hilarious! http://www.parkwayreststop.com/archives/2937

Artifacts and gifts for tourists are a major portion of an Indian reservation's economy.
Thousands of visitors tour reservations each year and will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of traditional Indian culture.
One enterprising Native American was able to outsell all of his competitors in the category of wooden dolls by selling them at a fraction of the cost others had to charge for them. Upon examining his dolls closely, they found that where hard wood was traditionally used, this Native American would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at an incredibly reduced price.
While he claimed his dolls were still authentic Indian dolls, his competitors complained that they were only...... cheap Sioux veneers

There are better things in life than alcohol, but at least alcohol makes up for not having them.

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.


I subscribe to the Psychotherapy Journal. I've got a lot of issues.


I got to work today and was horrified to find a dead, semi-naked man lay across a table. Shaken by this discovery, I called the emergency services for assistance.
The operator calmly reminded me that I work in a funeral home, and politely asked I stop calling them every morning.


Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage

Some presents for newb. Enjoy. ;)


TUI




ISENBECK






TUBORG




ARIANA/APUANA




BAVARIA





And umm...Ferret, dont watch these.

WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart, and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a
deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
with huge boobs and a nice ass
who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End

:p :D

I dont like the assumption that us blokes all like golf! :)

agreed......the rest is pretty much on target though

I thought I would take a moment to do some publicity for my alternative to "poo nuts" ... remember that y0u always also have the option to say "rat nuts," it is almost as good and in some situations it is better. You might spill your morning coffee--as I did, this morning--and you can say, "Rat nuts!" and this is a very funny way to add some humor to a small misfortune and make your day a little lighter.

ratt nutz!!

ratt nutz!!

I don't like it


it just doesn't flow as well as "poo-nuts"


its got no feng shui